The Miracle of Birth

Over the holiday break we went to the Museum of Science. Tai was, of course, fascinated by the dinosaurs, the Pompeii exhibit, and the gift shop.

But Quynh cannot stand and look at dinosaur skeletons for as long as her brother, so I brought her to what was one of my favorite exhibits as a child. The chick hatchery. Being 2 days before Christmas, it was not at all crowded, so we could stand right up by the window to the incubator and see all the little fluffy yellow chicks on one side and the un-hatched eggs on the other side. This was so luxurious, compared to my memories of field trips when 28 of us all tried to see in at once.

So she and I stood there and watched this one egg with a large crack in it. It began to wiggle. The museum staff member assured us it could still take hours for a chick to emerge. But a mere 5 minutes later a scrawny, wet, and tired chick emerged from the egg. Quynh was beyond excited. And I have to admit that I was pretty darned thrilled myself.

But after watching him/her struggle to stand, fall over, and flop around for 10 full minutes I was ready to move on. Quynh did not want to budge. Eventually, I decided to try to cajole her away from the chick display by enticing her over to the section on human birth.

She adored the mother-and-baby statue almost as much as she liked the models of fetuses at 2, 4, 6, and 8 months gestation. She kept asking to play with the "tiny babies".

Then she found the birth videos.

We walked into this little room with a TV screen and four buttons below it. The buttons were labeled Fetal Development, Vaginal Birth, Home Birth, and Cesarean. When we entered the room, the vaginal birth video was in progress. From my point of view, it was at a very exciting part. But Quynh found it boring at first. While the video showed a close up of the woman's face as she pushed and pushed and pushed, Quynh asked loudly and repeatedly, "Where's the baby???"

Then the camera panned down to Where The Action Is and Quynh exclaimed with apparent concern, "What's on her bah-gina?!!" I tired to calmly and quietly explain where babies come from (literally). I hoped she would not be horrified.

She watched intently as the baby emerged, was placed on the mother's chest, and was wiped clean with a towel. The video ended and she said, "Again!!!" Later, when someone was halfway through the home birth video, Quynh ran up to the TV and pushed the button to switch back to the vaginal birth movie. All told, I think she watched it three times before deciding to move on to another exhibit.

So while Tai learned about volcanoes, dinosaurs, and the solar system, Quynh learned, at the tender young age of two-and-a-half, about the miracle of birth.

Winter Market

I used to think "Farmer's Markets" were all about vegetables.  But I have learned over the past few years that they often include meat, cheese, honey, pastries, various other crafts, and live music.

Our town happens to have not-one-but-two outdoor summertime markets and not-one-but-two indoor winter markets.  Excessive?  Perhaps.   But it means that chances are, when you find yourself sitting around wondering what to do, there is a farmer's market you could be visiting.  We've lived here only a few months but have now officially been to each of the four markets at least once. 

Yesterday morning we checked out the winter market held in the middle school cafeteria.  Our kids were hesitant to get out of their PJs and into the car, but once we got there they had a blast.  They headed right for the live music.  Tai stopped and stared at the musicians -- enthralled but not moved to dance.  Quynh is more of a free spirit.  The music moved her to spin around in circles as fast as she could to the point of extreme dizziness and then stagger off into the crowd. 

Minh took the time to visit all the tables and even purchased some Actual Vegetables.  I, on the other hand, (1) finished my Christmas shopping and (2) bought coffee, cocoa, and a scone for our family snack. 

And, of course, we ran into some friends.  How could we not?  The place was packed with young families, old townies, and everything in between.

Part of me pats myself on the back for introducing my kids to farmers markets, with their local organic produce. And part of me wonders about the example I set when I run right for the table with the chocolate croissants.

Racial Profiling

My kids go to a "school" that employs both full-time teachers and work-study college students.  To me, there is a clear distinction, but to my kids they are all "teachers."  And there are so many work-study students in that place, that I can't keep them straight and am not sure I have even met them all.  But I hear lots of stories about them from my kids.

One day, while picking up Quynh at the end of the day, I happened to catch the name of the student helping her with her shoes, Samantha*.  I did not scrutinize Samantha's features, and apparently neither did Quynh.  A few days later we were out to dinner in town and a group of young women entered the restaurant.  Quynh immediately started yelling, "Samantha! Samantha! Samantha!" and pointing.

I scanned the group of women for Samantha, but the closest I found was another white girl with similar hair color and body type to Samantha.  But who really looked nothing like her.  Embarrassed by her yelling, I tried to quiet Quynh and explain that was not Samantha, though possibly looked a little bit like her.  

All of this happened in the amount of time it took this group of women to walk into the restaurant, be seated at the table next to us, and order a round of scorpion bowls.  (Because that's what college-aged women do at 5pm on a Tuesday, I guess).

************Fast-Forward About 6 Months*******************

The kids and I were in a Mexican restaurant for dinner the other night.  It's a very casual place where you order at the counter, and lots of folks come in and out for take-out.  Tai and I were still enjoying our tacos, but Quynh was done staring at her quesadilla and chewing on her straw, so I let her get down and walk around.  She disappeared briefly around the corner, by the take-out counter, and then came running back, shouting, "Jose* is here!  Jose is here!"

Oh geez.  Jose is another work-study student at school.  But I figured that Quynh had surely just mistaken some random Latino man (possibly even an employee of the restaurant) for Jose.   This is going to be embarrassing, I thought, and possibly result in a long conversation on the way home about race, and genotype versus phenotype, etc.   I am not ready for that.  

Like Lassie, Quynh stood 5 feet from our table, begging me and Tai to follow her around the corner and see Jose with our own eyes.  In an attempt to get myself out of a potentially embarrassing situation and having to say to some stranger, "You'll have to excuse my daughter, she thinks all Latinos look alike," I said to Tai, "I don't really remember what Jose looks like, so why don't you go see if she's right."

Tai hopped down off his seat and they both ran off around the corner.  Seconds later they re-appeared, with huge grins on their faces, and Jose by their side.  Jose waved to me and talked to the kiddos for a minute.  They peppered him with questions, "What are you doing here?  Where are you going now? Why???"

As I watched them staring up at Jose, star-struck, it reminded me of once seeing an elementary school teacher of mine in the supermarket.  It's totally weird to see a teacher out "in the wild" and be reminded that they are people too, with their own lives.  

The good news is my daughter is not racist.  But she thinks all white girls look alike.      ;)

*Names have been changed.

Candy Canes

Last week we attended our town's annual holiday tree lighting event, complete with wagon rides, a barely audible middle school chorus, the arrival of Santa via fire truck, and Christmas Carols played by the marching band.

For Quynh, the best part was counting down along with the crowd "10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1" and watching the tree light up.  After the initial cheering, she cried, "Again!" but no one else seemed to want to unplug it and start all over.  The good news is that she gets to do this every evening when we get home from work and school in her very own living room.  After (or while) fighting over who gets to flip the switch, she and Tai count backwards from 10 at the top of their lungs and then fill the living room with Christmas Cheer.

For Tai, the highlight of past tree lighting events has always been the marching band, but this year I think it was the simple joy of running around the town common and playing hide-n-seek with his friends.  At dusk.  In a dark green jacket.   Making it impossible for me to keep track of him.

Upon his descent off the fire truck, Santa was swarmed by masses of kids, teenagers, and (pushiest of all) parents thrusting their toddlers in his face.  All in the name of receiving a candy cane that you could just go buy anywhere.

Yes, we were in that mob.  Caught up in a frenzy of BeatleMania-esque excitement, I too was holding out a hand for a candy cane, to give to Quynh.  And Minh lifted Tai high up in the crowd and coached him, "Hold out your hand!  Show Santa you want one!"

Candy canes in hand, we wove our way through the madness over to a slightly less crowded spot to watch the band.  Both kids asked to eat their candy canes right away (an hour before dinner) and I said, "Of course!"  Because what kid has ever finished a whole (full-sized) candy cane?  I figured they would suck on them for 10 minutes and then get over it.  After all, candy canes are not actually that good.

(You already know where this is going, don't you?)

I unwrapped both candy canes and handed them over.  Then we tried to get a picture of our two adorable children with their festive treats, but Quynh kept hiding behind my legs desperately asking to be picked up and Tai was making a nasty face.  "Ugh," said Tai after 3 licks.  "These are mint. I don't like mint."  And he handed his candy cane over to me as trash.

Quynh, on the other hand, has no problem with mint.  Yup, you guessed it.  While watching the band....she worked on her candy cane.  After it fell on the ground....she ate it some more.  When the other kids were all running around playing...she stood on the sidelines and nibbled her candy cane.  On the way to the restaurant for dinner....she kept on licking the damn candy cane.

When we sat down to dinner it was about two-thirds gone and we had to forcibly remove the last third from her little fist.  And there were tears.  And screaming.  In public.  While people were trying to eat.  To shut her up, I promised she could finish it after dinner. but this just meant that after each bite, throughout the whole meal, she asked "Now can I have my candy cane?"  After she had eaten one won ton, a chicken finger, and two bites of something else, I gave up.

"Fine.  Take the (friggen) candy cane."  She won.  But the meal suddenly became more pleasant, so maybe we all won.

As you have figured out by now, she ate the whole damn thing.  I don't know why her capacity for sweets continues to surprise me.  Someone remind me of this next time I am tempted to give her a treat before dinner.

Merry Christmas.

Enjoy the Silence

The toddler room at school sent out an email last night announcing a three day experiment of Silent Drop-off. They asked that, for the rest of the week, when dropping of our children parents not speak. They suggested using gestures, sign language, and (when absolutely necessary) whispers.

It was framed as a pedagogical tool to "allow the voices of the children to be heard". But I think they are just trying to tell us parents we are loud and obnoxious and hang around chatting too long each morning. And I'm not going to contradict that notion.

Anyway, we did as told this morning. We prepared both kids for this new system and they both did amazingly well. Tai spoke not a single word and in fact held a lengthy conversation with one of the teachers using sign language. Quynh started off whispering, "be quiet" and washed her hands in silence. With nothing to talk about, we were in and out of there in about 4 minutes. I hugged Quynh (already engaged in some activity at a table) and signed "I love you." She whispered it back to me before turning her attention back to what she was doing.

And that was it. I think it worked well. The kids all seemed happy and the parents didn't linger too long. But I wonder when the novelty will wear off.....and whether this system will continue past these next couple days?



PS - First blog post from the iPad. please forgive any typos.

Wine Club

All my fears about joining a book club have been realized.  Specifically, the fear that I am not motivated enough to actually read the books in time for the meetings.  I actually like reading, and some (though not all) of the books have seemed quite interesting.  It's just that I don't have much time during which I could read.  See below for graphical evidence:

A Day in My Life:

See that purple slice?  Not very big, is it?  Additionally, I have other things I'd like to do with my free time.  So when that precious sliver of time rolls around each evening, Reading a Book Someone Else Chose has to compete with television, movies, the hot tub, and precious sleep.  Not to mention paying the bills, folding the laundry, or even blogging.  Most nights the book loses.  And this is why I am only 60 pages into the book we are slated to discuss tomorrow night.  

Having been the student who always completed every assignment in school it is kind of liberating to be blatantly ignoring the main premise of a book club.  Luckily, I don't have to feel too guilty, as several of the other members of the club have the same problem.  At the last meeting exactly none of us had read the book.  Somehow, we still managed to chat for over two hours.

This is why I proposed dispensing with the pretext and just renaming it Wine Club.  But I guess some folks actually read the book this month, so maybe that won't work.  It's time for us to select a new bunch of books to read and I'm still holding out hope that if we choose fluffier, easier, more compelling books that I might actually get through them.  Yes, I need Book Club dumbed-down, apparently.     

Tonight, during my 2-ish hours of Free Time after the kids go to bed and before I fall asleep, I will feel zero pressure to read, as finishing the book  in time is now a lost cause.

Looooong Weekend

Playground
Visitors
Cupcakes
Movie
Sleepover
Bounce House
Birthday Cake
French Fries
TV
More cupcakes
More TV
Another sleepover
More TV
Another playground
Ice Cream
Another Movie

And we wonder why the kids were acting like over-tired-picky-eater-spoiled-brats by 5pm this evening.  Tomorrow we bring them back to school so the teachers can whip them back into shape.  Good luck to them.

Time Change

The best part of our recent "fall back" clock change is that it's light out early so I can walk the dog at 6:15am and even get back and sneak into the shower before anyone else is awake.  (Because the nature of the Morning Game is sleep-as-late-as-i-can-but-get-into-the-shower-before-the-kids-wake-so-that-when-they-do-wake-they-are-Minh's-problem).  Anyway, the light in the morning motivates me to drag my ass out of bed a tad earlier and walk the dog first thing.  I get fresh air and a little bit of exercise, as does she.  Win-win.

The worst thing about the clock change is that I can no longer leave work at 4pm with my sunglasses atop my head and pretend that they are there because of, you know, the sun.  (When really they are just there to hold my hair out of my face).  Somehow (as much as I want to) I can't bring myself to walk around at dusk with sunglasses on my head.  Apparently, even I have standards.

Three Years of Lions

Tai, October 2009

Tai, October 2010

Quynh, November 2011

Powerless

After three full days without power (well, actually with some spotty generator power, but no REAL power) we have done All The Things.  There is simply nothing left to do with a toddler and a preschooler that we have not done.

We went sledding, drank hot cocoa, made beaded necklaces, colored pictures, sculpted with play-dough, constructed a marble run, made puppets and held puppet shows, had playdates with neighbors and school friends, used precious bits of the ipad's batteries to play games and read stories, read actual paper books, and more books, and then some more books, drew on the windows with markers, goofed around with flashlights and lanterns, played hide-and-seek in total darkness, and adorned ourselves with Halloween-themed temporary tattoos (that are currently proving very difficult to wash off).

Thankfully, school was open today.  And the power is back on, so we can go back to being more reliant on electronic entertainment for the kids than I ever realized we were.

Farm to Table Project

My kids' school has a farm share and each week the pre-schoolers get to go pick up the veggies.  Then the teachers have to figure out what to do with all those veggies.  They have made kale chips, beet pancakes, apple-carrot muffins and who knows what else.  The preschoolers get to help with the cooking and then they all get to taste the dish and even provide a rating on how well they liked it.  It's like one of those smiley-face pain scales they hang on the wall in the hospital.  (You know, the one that you would laugh out loud at while you're pacing the room in labor.....if laughing were an option at that moment).  In this case, I believe the food-rating options are "really liked it", "just liked it", "kinda liked it", and "didn't like it."  I'll wait until Tai is a little older to lecture him on constructing a valid likert scale. 

Eventually, the teachers got smart and enlisted the help of a few pre-schoolers, mine included, to compose a letter home to parents asking for help with creative veggie recipes.  Tai embraced this project whole-heartedly.  Over the course of a week, I heard about this letter from Tai approximately 27 times.  I got, "Do you have any recipes that use beets?  kale? edamame?" and "Maybe we can make pumpkin bread or beef stew?"

He had me at beef stew.

I am not a great cook, but beef stew is one thing I can do.  And it uses potatoes and carrots and garlic and onions.  I figured I'd jump on that and let some other parent figure out what to do with the rutabagas.

Earlier this week I gathered veggies from the school's share and last night after dinner, my entire family worked together to make a huge crock-pot full of stew for the entire school.  I don't know how I didn't realize this ahead of time, but everything takes three times longer when working with kiddos.  It was extra work for us to keep manufacturing easy, safe jobs for Quynh.  To his credit, Tai peeled all the carrots, but it took him a good 35 minutes and some of them were peeled to within an inch of their life.  Ever seen a carrot with a waist?  I have.

After struggling for a while with a butter knife and a raw potato, Quynh request a sharper knife.  She was totally jealous that Minh got to chop the garlic with a cleaver. 

This morning my two kids, beaming with pride, delivered the stew to school.  They scooped some out right away and brought it to the infant room for their morning snack.  I can't wait to hear how it goes over in the toddler and pre-school rooms.  After all that work, I do hope they eat it. 

There's Always Time For Coffee

Last Saturday I had an unusually bad morning.  When the kids woke at the Crack of Six I let them come snuggle in our bed and watch about an hour of TV.  Usually this tactic gets me a decent chunk of light sleep.  But last Saturday Quynh was having none of it.  While Tai sat and calmly devoured his allotted Screen Time, Quynh talked, wiggled, and kicked, and sat on my chest.  For the entire hour.  I should have just gotten up with them and saved the precious TV time for later in the day when I needed a break.  

So, somewhere around 7:15am, bleary-eyed, I stumbled into the kitchen to rustle up some breakfast.   After serving my kids, I scooped myself a large serving of what I believed to be vanilla Greek yogurt, topped it with granola and took a huge bite. 

Alas, it was not yogurt, but sour cream.

OK, that was horrifyingly gross, but I recovered quickly.  I simply dumped it out and started over with the actual Greek yogurt (that happened ot be in exactly the same shape, size and color contianer as the sour cream.) 

After breakfast the kids started in with, "Can you play with me? Can we do a puppet show?  Can we do an art project?"  Not having to be at Tai's swim class until 9am, I figured I'd take my coffee into the play room and spend some quality time with the munchkins.

I then proceeded to pour a full cup of coffee and immediately knock it off the counter onto my (wood) kitchen floor.  Tai came running in the from the playroom to, basically, point out that I had made a huge mess.  Thanks, I hadn't noticed.

After I cleaned up the mess and poured a fresh coffee, the kids and I managed to have a wonderful time playing together.  We built a zoo out of blocks and plastic animals, and then drew pictures of animals to hang on the wall.  I helped Tai use stencils to make a sign that said "Lions eat Zebras and Wildebeests."  All the while, Tai and Quynh happily shared their toys and refrained from yelling at or hitting each other.  It was lovely.

Until I looked at the clock.  8:52am.

Swim class is at 9am.

That's when I started yelling.  "Tai, we need to go to swim class RIGHT NOW!  Take off your shorts, put on your bathing suit, now go put on your crocs and wait for me by the door!"

Surprisingly he did not resist this abrupt end to our morning playtime, but did exactly as he was told.  I ran around the house, grabbing his towel and a change of clothes for him, shouting a reminder at Minh that he and Quynh were to take the cats to the vet in half-an-hour, and then actually took the time to stop and make myself a travel mug of coffee.

Yup, while my son was waiting obediently by the door I took the time to make sure I'd have coffee to sip while I watched him swim.  Then we breezed out the door a whole 4 minutes after I'd checked the clock.   Just as I pulled the garage door shut behind me I heard Quynh, still playing quietly in the playroom call out, "Mama?"

Too late, we were gone--on a mission to not miss more than 15 minutes of the 45-minute class we had paid for.  As we started down the street Tai commented, "Woah, Mama, you're driving FAST!"

Luckily, swim class is only about 7 minutes from home.  By 9:15 Tai was in the pool and I was taking my seat among the other parents.  There I sat, un-showered, teeth un-brushed, with no makeup on.  But coffee in hand.  I have my priorities straight. 

Thank You, Coach and Tammy

Everything I know about football I learned by watching Friday Night Lights.  That is, on a Football Knowledge scale of 1 to 10, I come in right around 2.  This is a huge improvement, actually.  I really did pick up a thing or two watching that show.  Before that I was a -1. 


And it's a good thing too, because suddenly Tai is fascinated by the sport.  In the past three days alone I've had to (a) watch him line up his stuffed animals in opposing teams and execute a blitz, (b) "play" football with him in the backyard, to the best of my ability, and (c) watch 30 minutes of a Bears/Packers game on TV with him.

Watching football with that boy is quite the experience.  He asks questions every 6 seconds.  And, not knowing the football lingo as well as I should, my explanations are wordy.  By the time I'm halfway through explaining that, "that guy handed the ball off to the other guy, who threw it, but then it landed on the ground and that's called an incomplete pass (I think)" he's already asked two more questions. 

He is only four, so right now I can just about satisfy him with my "2" of Football Knowledge.  But soon that will not be enough.  Someday soon he will realize that football is not meant to be played one-one-on and that I've been letting him tackle me.  Soon he will realize that I have no idea what "first and 10"  or "2 minute warning"  or "2-point conversion" mean.  Not a freaking clue.  Luckily, Minh knows all that shit.

I don't know how long this interest in football will last.  Hopefully it will last a couple more weeks, because I just bought Tai and Minh tickets to a college football game.  But if this becomes one of Tai's true passions I'm going to have to learn a lot more about the sport.   Before having Tai, I never dreamed I'd know so much about dinosaurs or classical music.  Maybe football is next.

Favorite Things

It's been 18 days and the kids are pretty well settled into the new house.  So far, these are some of their favorite features (in no particular order):

*The Breakfast Bar.  Who knew that sitting on a stool and eating off the counter instead of at the dining room table could be So Much Fun?  They absolutely love the breakfast bar.  Each morning they sit up high and nibble their food, ask for more juice, and chat with me while I putter around the kitchen/eat something.  And because this arrangement puts them side-by-side instead of across from one another, they can really get on each other's nerves by touching, poking, kicking, and even just looking at each other.

*The Pool.  While it's officially closed for the season now, we did manage to get in it a few times.  The kids loved the idea of it.  They'd beg and beg and beg to go in on a sunny 78-degree day.  They'd stay in the 68-degree water for all of 3 minutes before shivering and asking to switch to the hot tub instead.

*The Hot Tub.  We had one at the old house and they made good use of it.  But this one is bigger.  Tai tries to swim laps while Quynh tiptoes around the middle--water up to her chin--with a huge smile on her face.  Oh, and then they argue incessantly about whether to turn the jets on or not.  Not the most relaxing atmosphere, but they have a good time and always need to be cajoled, bribed, or dragged out after about 20 minutes.

*The Rock.  There is a large rock out front, just the right size and shape for two kid bums.  It's about the same size, shape, and color as our dog.  Several times Minh and I have mistaken the rock for Buttons and wondered momentarily how she got out into the front yard.  It's also good for one kid to stand on and subsequently jump off of.  And Quynh frequently picks up mulch and scrapes it all over the surface of the rock for some reason known only to her.

*The Wildlife.  Every time we walk the dog around the neighborhood we see bunnies.  Every.Single.Time.  And what's better than bunnies?  Frogs.  Because you can catch them and hold them (wild bunnies rarely stand for that).  We've relocated a total of 5 frogs from our pool/hot tub to the nearby conservation area.  I wonder what the neighbors think, seeing us dump frogs from tupperware containers into the tall grass then walk away?  Finally, there are the spiders.    Boy, do we have spiders!  Luckily they are almost all in dark corners of the basement, but they are large and they are numerous.  Tai is fascinated with them and even suggested the other day that perhaps at his next birthday party we could organize a game of Spider Hunt for his guests.

I will now commence waiting for the phone to ring as you all chomp at the bit to come visit our new place, spiders and all.  

Where The Sidewalk Ends

Beginning Monday next Friday, this will be my new front yard.

Maine

Whenever we go on a trip, many funny or interesting things happen along the way and I think, "Oooh, I'll blog about that later."  And then when Later arrives I can't seem to remember any of the stories in detail, or I'm just too exhausted to re-write them.  So vacations always turn into bullet-point posts.  So here you go.

• My children CAN share a bedroom, as long as one goes to bed before the other.

• Tai enjoys the beach for about 2 hours at a time, then he's ready to go back inside.  We never found Quynh's natural beach limit, always having to coax her off the beach after 3+ hours of sand play.

• Speaking of limits, Tai usually announces he's all done about 2/3 of the way through an ice cream cone.  And one night he declined dessert altogether, opting to sit and watch the rest of us share a slice of chocolate cake.  Again, we have never seen Quynh reach her dessert limit.  Her ability to eat ice cream or anything chocolatey knows no bounds.

• The one limit of Quynh's we did learn is her Sitting Still Limit.  It seems to be about 20 minutes.  We learned this while on a 40-minute motor boat ride and then again on an hour-long Duck Tour.  We promptly cancelled the two-hour schooner ride we had originally planned.

• Although Quynh was fidgety, this year's Duck Boat experience was better than last year's.  Tai seemed to enjoy it and really paid attention to the narration, including the fact that Portland has burned to the ground no fewer than three times.  

• Tai now plans to be, "a scientist who studies all the creatures that live in Maine and write books about them" when he grows up.  And he's going to be awesome at it. 

• While at the beach, Tai's preferred spot is in among the tide pools, hunting for periwinkles and hermit crabs. And one day he dashed into the water, fully clothed, to retrieve a plastic shopping bag that had blown in, explaining, "some fish eat the plastic and could die!!" 

• While riding on a ferry, we tried to share with the kids the beautiful view across the bay.  But Tai was only interested in watching the mechanics of the ferry as it docked.  And Quynh was only interested in the people on the bench behind us.

• Once on the island, we started walking aimlessly, looking for something fun to do until it was time for lunch and ice cream.  I pulled up a map on my phone and announced that we were about to walk by a church, a library, and a playground.  If you know Tai well, it will come as no surprise that he was heartbroken to learn the library was closed.

• The member of the family who enjoyed the greatest increase in quality of life while on vacation was definitely Buttons.  She ran free on the beach twice daily, peed on seaweed, played with new doggy friends, but steered clear of the Scary Ocean Waves.

• While on vacation, Buttons behaved unusually well, Tai behaved unusually poorly, and Quynh decided she only eats potato chips, fritos, and dessert. 

• Quynh is so stubborn that the other night she chose to watch me eat her piece of whoopie pie rather than take the one tiny bite of scallop we asked of her in order to be granted Dessert Privileges.  Even after I put frosting on the scallop, she wouldn't touch it. 

• Tai collected numerous rocks, shells, and dead animal parts during the course of the week.  We encouraged him to return all but one favorite shell to the beach before returning home.  (We certainly don't want stinky crab legs at our house!)  On the last morning we took Buttons for her final walk on the beach and Tai brought his bucket-o-shells.  Just before he dumped them out he said into the bucket, "If there's another fire in Maine, call me."    

What I Did This Weekend

• Answered the "are we there yet?" question 6 times before we even got on the Pike.
• Swam before dinner.
• Zipped two kids into a tent, told them to go to sleep, and walked away.
• Regretted that decision.
• Vowed to delay moving Quynh to a Big Girl Bed for as long as humanly possible.   
• Stared longingly at our friends' pop-up camper and wondered how much we'd have to camp to justify that cost.
• Swam instead of napping.
• Laughed at my husband the first time he was bitten by a fish.
• Felt bad for laughing (and a little scared for my own safety) the second time he was bitten.
• Swam after dinner.
• Marveled at my son swimming, really swimming, in water over his head.
• Received so many mosquito bites on my feet and ankles that I look like I have some sort of pox.
• Wondered why we were sleeping in a tent instead of an air conditioned hotel, or our house. 
• Swam in the rain.
• Took my potty-training two year old to the campground bathroom to pee every time she asked me to.
• Saw an old friend, and his 3 kids.
• Paid a 9-year-old $2 for watching my kids for an hour.
• Packed up a wet tent (again) and swore never again to camp if there is even the slightest chance of rain (again).

Hungry Burglar

Last night I was awakened at 12am by the sound of my fridge beeping.  It beeps when you leave it open.  The thing is, I know I did not leave it open when I went to bed.  Clearly, someone had broken  into my house, fixed themselves a snack, and forgot to close the fridge.

Coincidentally, it was my last night sans-husband.  Because, usually, scaring away hungry burglars in the middle of the night is a Husband Thing.  But, alas, he was not there.  So I got up, grabbed the phone (you know, for calling 911) and the baseball bat that resides in the corner of the room and asked Buttons to accompany me out to the kitchen to investigate.  She promptly walked into her crate and curled up in a ball.  I considered the fact that she had not barked a good sign, but my irrational-sleepy-paranoid-self was still sure I had to go shut the fridge and be sure no one was out there.

So off to the kitchen I went, phone in one hand, baseball bat in the other, and no dog by my side.  The kitchen was empty, but the fridge was indeed open a good 8 inches, not just ajar.  I shut it and then looked all around for a burglar munching on Greek yogurt or pickles (the only things left in the fridge these days).  But there was none to be found.

I glanced at the cat stretched out in the middle of the living room floor and tried to ascertain whether he looked guilty.  He sometimes climbs atop the fridge and I suppose he might have knocked it open while dismounting.  On my way back to bed I went over the physics of this in my head to determine if it might be possible.  Presumably, when jumping off the fridge, a cats paws would push against the fridge, actually closing the door, no?

I climbed back into bed, baseball bat still in hand and lie there awake for the better part of an hour, listening to every sound in the house.  I figured the burglar was hiding down in the basement, waiting for me to fall asleep before returning to the kitchen to finish snacking.  Apparently they out-waited me because I woke hours later, baseball bat still in the bed where my husband should have been.   

I will be very happy to have my hubby back home tonight.

And The Winner Is....

If you answered "C" to the previous post, give yourself a pat on the back.  You win.  Here's how it went down:


4:45pm: Pizza.  Success.

5:15pm: Bath.  Marginal success.  Had to coerce Q into the tub with promise of new pack of silly bands.

5:45pm: Popcorn.  Success.

6:00 - 7:15pm: A Bug's Life.  Half Success.  Tai enjoyed it so much that the moment it ended he asked, "Can we watch it one more time?"  Predictably, Quynh talked loudly through the first 20 minutes and then lost interest.

7:30pm: Stories in Tai's room.  Marginal Success.  Lots of flopping around and getting up off  the mattress.  Not exactly a calming atmosphere.

7:45pm:  Tuck-in.  Success Unclear.

7:46pm: "Hi Tai!!!  Tai!  Tai!  Hi Tai!" emanates from behind the closed door.

7:47 - 8:30pm: They emerge from the room approximately 95 times.  Tai's exits seem legit.  "Quynh is playing with the tissue box."  And, "Quynh took my bookmark out of Charlotte's Web."  Quynh's exits were hilariously frivolous.  First of all, because she can't operate a doorknob, they began with, "Tai, open this door for me!!"  And then she emerged to ask me, "Um.  Um.  ummmmmmm......where's Buttons?"  And then, "Whatchya doin?"  And then, "Who's talkin'?"  And about 16 other things. 

8:30-8:40pm:  Relative silence.  I fool myself into thinking they *might* actually be settling down.

8:40-8:45pm: Her Majesty needs a pillow.  I can hear Quynh ordering Tai around in there.  "Taaaaaiiiii!  I need my baby doll!  Taiiiii, I need my blanket!" etc. etc. etc.

8:46pm:  They come out and Tai asks that Quynh be returned (by force, if necessary) to her room. My boy always knows when he really needs to sleep.  But his sister does not have the same shut-off switch. 

8:55pm:  All is quiet.  Each child is asleep in their own room.  Why on Earth did I try to have it any other way?

9:24pm:  Here I sit, glass of wine in front of me.  Ready to crawl into my own bed with my book.  Good Night.

Shouldn't Someone be Talking Me Out of This?

I've decided to let my kids have a sleepover tomorrow night.

Tai has been asking for about a full year now when his sister can sleep over in his room.  His desire to have her sleep in there with him is so genuine and so sweet that I feel like I have to take advantage of that sentiment before they are bratty middle-schoolers who want nothing to do with each other.

Being a glutton for punishment, I've decided that now is a good time to try this.  You know, I'm already extra stressed and exhausted these days, so I might as well set up a situation that will likely result in less sleep for all of us.  Why the hell not?

So, tomorrow night we will dine on pizza, get into our PJs, pop some popcorn, and watch a movie.  Then I'll tuck both kids in on the queen-sized air mattress on the floor of Tai's room and see what happens.

I'm not worried about Tai.  He's had a good friend sleepover several times and it has always worked well.  They goof around for an hour or two after lights out and then Tai finally gets fed up and moves to his bed to get some good sleep.  But I have no idea what Quynh will do in this situation.  She's always slept either in her crib or in bed with us.  The freedom to roll around on (or get off of!) the air mattress may go to her head.  She may get silly, or she may get confused and scared.  And, knowing her, she may get naked.

Place your bets now, folks.  Who thinks that:

(a) I'll end up sleeping on the air mattress with them
(b) One or both of them will end up in my bed
(c) Quynh will end up back in her crib
(d) No one will get any sleep

Wish me luck?

Scenes From an Italian Restaurant

5:00pm -- We arrive at a Cloth Napkin Restaurant for Father's Day Dinner.

5:05pm -- Tai is banging his butter knife on the glass-top table.
Suddenly his appetizer plate is on his head. Then his napkin is on his head.


5:09pm -- Tai has a time-out in the bar-height chair at the foot of the stairs.

5:11pm -- Quynh whines and begs to have a turn in the "tall chair."

5:15pm -- Shortly after we order our drinks, Tai bursts into song.  "Beer and wine!  Beer and wine!  That's what Daddy likes best!"

5:35pm -- Tai claims "tummy-ache" and needs to lay down on the booth next to me, very nearly kicking some other patrons along the way.  However, a brief reminder of the possibility of dessert caused the tummy ache to fade and more meatballs to be eaten.

5:45pm -- While Tai was too shy to ask the waiter if they had juice, resulting in his having to drink water, Quynh does not have the same inhibitions.  Toward the end of the meal she pretty much flagged our server down and asked loudly, "Do you have chocolate?"

5:47pm -- A flourless chocolate torte with chocolate ganache and whipped cream was placed in front of my children.

5:49pm -- Torte was gone.

While it started out looking like a disaster waiting to happen, the kids eventually both ate well and chocolate always improves everyone's mood.  After dinner we let them run around a playground for an hour and they had a blast.

8:03pm -- Both kids in bed, sound asleep.

Happy Father's Day!

What I Will Miss

Yes, I have decided that moving is the best decision for our family.  And yes, I will be disappointed if we can't find someone to buy our house.  But I do love my house, and my neighborhood, and there are many things I will miss if we do indeed move.

(1) My neighbors (and not just because some of them read this blog).  Seriously, our amazing neighbors are the thing we'll miss the most, hands down.  We'll certainly try to buy in another neighborhood with quiet streets and hopefully with young families, but we know we'll never re-create the magic that we found in our current spot.  Where else are we going to find folks willing to babysit at the drop of a hat, turn on their sprinklers the day after it rains just so my kids can run through them, or buy us multiple obnoxious holiday decorations without asking us?  Where else will we have neighbors who let us use their swing set when their not home, or those who take our dog into their home for an entire weekend if we are away?  I do hope we'll find another group of people willing to stand out in the middle of the street and chat on a warm summer evening, even if they are not crazy enough to share Minh's love of renting heavy-duty tools.

(2) My house.  Literally, the physical house.  I really do love it.  I love my bedroom, and my master bathroom.  I love my nice big living room and my dining room.  I adore my floor-to-ceiling pantry.  And I love the playroom the most.  How am I ever going to live without that amazing playroom, the we just built?  Of course there are other houses out in the world with master bathrooms, and playrooms, and even with 2-car garages and central AC.  But I find it hard to believe I'll find one (that we can afford) that I will love as much as this one.

(3) My yard.  Specifically, my kids' trees, which are are planted in the back and nourished by their placentas.  (Gross?  A little.  But the kids, Tai anyway, knows why those are their special trees and I think he likes the idea.  And I always thought we'd get to see those trees grow up alongside our kids.)

(4) Speaking of....I'm going to miss the chance to watch the kids grow up in this house.  Yes, I'll still get to watch them grow, but not in the place I've been picturing it.  Six months ago we were envisioning how we would adapt the playroom to be a student office for doing homework, you know, when the kids reached middle school.  And now it's looking like this particular playroom won't be used that way--not by our kids, anyway.  And how sad is it that Quynh will probably have no memory of this house and neighborhood?

(5) The campus across the street.  I love being able to walk the dog over there, and take the kids to run around the lake.  Not to mention that Tai was just getting to the age where he was enjoying concerts and other events on the campus.

(6) The steady stream of undergraduate dog-walkers.  We acquired one great dog walker after another by asking each one that graduated to recommend a friend to take over.  We already have someone lined up for the fall...but will we still be here?

(7) Living a mere 5 minutes from a great little sprinkler park/playground.  This in invaluable, all summer long.

(8) Cindy's Drive-In.  Living only 10 minutes from a place with great food, ice cream, and tons of toys to occupy the kids is perhaps more important than the sprinkler park.  It's the only place that Minh and I get to sit and eat our meals in peace because the kids can go run around while they wait for their dinner and again after they finish.  It's fantastic.

There are probably 50 more things I'm really going to hate to leave, but I take them for granted and won't miss them until they're gone.  

Happy Birthday Quynh!

My "baby" girl is two years old today.

May 2009

May 2010

May 2011

Emotional Rollercoaster

Despite having all these grand plans about waiting for the right moment, calling a family meeting, and telling Tai about our plans to attempt to sell the house and move to another town, I panicked the other day and blurted it all out 5 minutes before we had to leave for swim class.

The news was not well-received.

He had already overheard plenty of talk of looking at other houses and possibly moving for kindergarten, so I was a little surprised that he flipped out.  I think it was the description of how our house will be sold (pictures taken, posted online, people can see if they want to buy it, etc).  He burst into tears, yelling, "I don't want to leave our house!" and "I don't want our house to go to the house store!"  My attempts to explain that moving could be both sad and exciting fell on deaf ears. 

Eventually, it devolved into "I don't wanna go to swim class!"  Having already paid for 8 weeks of swim class, and knowing we're going to have to miss 2 of them, I was furious with myself for the timing of this tantrum.  When gentle cajoling and promises of snacks after class didn't work, I promised a movie after lunch if he would just go to effing swim class.  He calmed down immediately.

About 36 hours later, while driving around town, Tai announced from the back seat, "Mama, I'm looking out for houses that might be good for our family.  I just saw one with a pool that I might like to move to.  I want to move now."  He then went on to tell me he likes the ones with pools, (of course) and the ones with decks on the roofs (duh) and he got very excited at the one with a camper in the yard and the one with a boat in the driveway.

I find this particularly adorable because I can remember house-hunting with my parents when I was about seven.  I was dragged on painfully long car rides to an infinite number of houses.  And all I cared about was: (1) is it red?  and (2) is there a pool?*   

So, despite my own mixed emotions about possibly moving, now I can start worrying that we won't be able to sell the house and get my kid the roof-deck-swimming-pool-camper-boat-house with cool rooms that he has his heart set on.



****Just for those who might be curious, we ended up in a grey house with no pool, 5 houses up the street from where we had been living.

Because.....

Quynh's new favorite word is "because."  She answers almost every question with "no, because...." and often forms a coherent argument.

The other day I was in the middle of getting her dressed to go to the park -- she was in a fresh diaper and a clean shirt -- when she decided she did not want to wear pants.  She was standing on the changing table refusing to put her legs into her pants.  I pleaded with her, "Quynh, you have to put on your pants."  She calmly replied, "No pants....because....it warm out."

Wow.  I was genuinely impressed with reasoning and verbal ability. "Oh sweetie, that was such a great sentence and a well-constructed argument.  And you're not even two yet.  I'm so proud of you."

"Now put on your friggin' pants."

Summer Plans

We've decided to sell the house.

Although I entered this discussion of moving kicking and screaming, I've now come full circle and will be disappointed if we can't find a buyer for our house.  We're still trying to remind ourselves that it might not sell -- it's not the best time to sell and our town is not exactly the most desirable in the area--but we'll see what happens.

And if it doesn't sell, we'll stay put for a while and then try again.  We visited the local elementary school and it seemed lovely.  Tai would do just fine there for the first couple years.  But once we visited the schools in the town to which we were thinking of moving, we knew that we had to try to move.  Amazing schools.  Not sure I can really articulate the difference, but we both came out of those school visits knowing that this other town was a better fit for us and our kids.  Nicer facilities, more diverse student populations, and just a generally great feeling we got about the principals, teachers, and philosophies of the schools.

Now we frantically prep the house for sale and keep our fingers crossed that it catches someone's eye.  Fortunately the house does not need much work, but we ought to get that huge pile of mulch out of the driveway.  And we need to de-clutter the inside and make it look like our kids don't leave toys all over the place all the time.  And it would be great if we could get the pets to stop leaving clumps of fur in the middle of the living room.  Oh, and we have to find a new place to live.  Oh, and we have to tell Tai about all this and hope he doesn't freak out at the idea of moving.  Oh, and Minh will be out of the country for just over 2 weeks in the middle of all this.

It's going to be an interesting summer.

Cute Tai Story #2

Last weekend I decided to take the kids out to breakfast so I turned to a pajama-clad Tai and said, "you can either go get dressed in clothes or you can just put on socks and a sweatshirt and go like that."

He disappeared into his room and came back 5 minutes later wearing only socks.

When I asked what  he was thinking he replied, straight-faced, "You said I could just wear socks and a sweatshirt!  You said that was an option!"

I have no idea whether he actually mis-understood my intention (that he was to add socks and a sweatshirt to his outfit of pajamas) or whether he was just messing with me.  I patted his bare bottom and asked if he really thought he could go to a restaurant like that.  He laughed and then trudged back into his room and put his pajamas back on.

Silly boy.
 

Cute Tai Story #1

Lately Tai has been watching lots of nature documentaries, as well as some documentary-like CGI shows called Walking with the Dinosaurs and Walking with the Prehistoric Beasts.  He himself has begun acting like a prehistoric beast, and often tries to involve his friends at school in his new interest ("hey, let's play walking with the beasts!")

These new shows have sparked discussions in our house about fiction, documentaries, and everything in between.  Tai now knows that The Sound of Music is based on a true story, but did not "really happen" the same way the footage in a documentary really happened.  And I think he understands that dinosaurs really lived, but that the scenes he sees in these new shows are not real dinosaurs, but computer generated images.

Last night, after dinner, Tai suddenly announced, "Come to the living room for a meeting!  Sit anywhere you want!"  So after Quynh finished eating her enormous dinner (growth spurt?) we all settled in and turned our attention to Tai.  He then proceeded to very thoughtfully debunk his friend's statement that she had seen the documentary Walking with Hello Kitty.  With his friend's name abbreviated for anonymity, his speech went something like this:

"One.  Is Hello Kitty really real in real life?"
"Two.  Documentaries are about real things."
"Three.  S says she has Walking with Hello Kitty....but that does not exist."
"Four.  S says she was not kidding."
"Five.  Dinosaurs were real, but Hello Kitty is not."
"Any questions or comments?"

Minh thoughtfully suggested that perhaps S was taking something she enjoyed playing and something Tai enjoyed and merging them together into one game.  But Tai insisted that was not the case.  Without actually saying it, he seemed to be mounting a case to prove that S was flat-out lying.  He also noted that S liked to play sweet things and he "only likes terrible things".  

Inside Out

I have two children, one of whom I enjoy spending time with inside the house and the other I enjoy taking on outings. Is that bad?

Now that Tai is four, I am really enjoying doing lots of activities with him.  I've taken him to concerts and plays, we've gone hiking with the dog, and I love to walk around the neighborhood while he zooms past me on his bike.  Inside the house is a different story.  He only seems interested in imaginative play, and only if I'm right there imagining with him.  It's gotten to the point where I dread Sunday mornings in our playroom.  I truly do not have the energy or desire to play "oceans" or "dinosaurs"  or "kitties" or "Shrek" because they all involve me crawling around on the ground, reciting the specific dialog that Tai has just "written," and usually fighting off the attacks of some sort of creature.  It's downright exhausting.

Quynh, simply because of her age, is not quite ready for many of the outings Tai enjoys.  She became unbearably fidgety half way through the circus and I wouldn't even try to make her sit through a production of The Sound of Music.  She has come on some hikes, but either needs to be carried or wants to walk at her (understandably) slow toddler pace.  None of this is her fault--she's not even two yet.  But at home (both inside and out) she is generally delightful and easy to play with.  Playing with Quynh really just means sitting near her and watching her play.  She likes to draw with crayons, markers, or chalk, sculpt with play-dough, build towers with blocks, and swaddle her baby dolls.  She also loves to cook and serve imaginary food.  She brings me cup after cup of hot cocoa and all I have to do is pretend to drink it and smile.  I get to sit back, relax and enjoy watching her have fun.

Of course, I love both my kids immensely.  But basically, I am just lazy, I guess.  Somehow I usually have the energy for a hike or a game of hide-n-seek or a trip to the playground, but I find it mentally and physically draining to pretend I'm a T-Rex or operate a princess hand-puppet.  Is that weird?  It was the same way with Buttons when she was a puppy too.  I'd take her on long walks and challenging hikes nearly every day.  But when we were at home I had no desire to play fetch or tug-of-war with her doggie toys.  (Yes, I just likened my kid to a puppy).

Good thing I have two kids -- one for inside and one for out.

Movin' On Up. Or Not. I Dunno.

Tai starts kindergarten in approximately 16 months.  Therefore it is time for the Parental Kindergarten Freak-Out.  What should we do?  Where should we send him?  Public? Private? Charter? School Choice?  Should we *gasp* move to a different district?

Having grown up in Simpler Times, when everyone but the devout Catholics and the extremely rich attended the neighborhood school, and having recently seen other parents go through the Freak-Out, I've always wanted to be that family that sends their kid to the local public school and doesn't sweat it.  He's a smart kid and our public school district is actually not that bad (though not exactly top-notch either).

Sadly, I've spent the past month or so coming to grips with the fact that I am indeed One of Those Parents who will explore every option, tour multiple schools, and even consider leaving the house that I love and moving to a better school district.  

Part of me still wants to just sit tight and send him to the local school.  I think it will be fine.  But then part of me wonders why on Earth anyone would settle for "fine" when it comes to their child's education.  A long time ago a friend explained to me the he checked the consumer reports website on infant car seats and then proceeded to buy the #1 safety rated seat, even though it was very expensive and about 3lbs heavier than the others.  He put it to me like this, "How could anyone buy a 'less safe' car seat for their newborn baby?"  (Of course, I had already reviewed the same consumer reports page and elected to buy a different seat for my Expected Bundle of Joy.)  But now I'm feeling the same way about education.  Why wouldn't we give our kids the very best we can afford?

That brings me to the topic of money.  Private schools cost money.  Though, surprisingly, some of them actually cost less than what we currently pay for daycare.  So when you think about it that way, we could actually afford it.  But my gut, way down deep inside, is still anti-private school.  Additionally, it's looking like it might actually cost us less, per month, to pay a larger mortgage and higher taxes in order to access a better public school district than it would to stay put and send the kids to private school.  This would also allow my kids to have what I still think of as the more "normal" experience where they ride the bus to the same local school that the neighbors attend, rather than being chauffeured to a school three towns away by me or Minh.  (Of course, I realize times are a-changin' and tons of kids around here are indeed attending private or charter schools in other towns.)

Even though I truly love my house and neighborhood, at this moment,* I'm feeling like I'd actually rather move and spend my money on taxes to an excellent school district than give money to a rich private school.  




*It should go without saying that the Freak-Out Process is long and tumultuous.  Look forward to additional posts in which I contradict everything I've said here.*  

Reading Between The Lines

We had Quynh's spring parent-teacher conference yesterday.  It's always nice to hear how lovely your child is and see photos and videos of them having fun at school.  And if you listen carefully you can often glean some interesting information.  For example:

"Quynh's young age and small stature are no obstacle for her.  She asserts herself well."
She yells when other kids try to take her toys.

"She can be very focused on a game and particular about how it is to be played."
She's a tad OCD.

"Quynh and [her friend] are very close, but they do have conflicts, as most close friends do."
They fight over toys.

"She is fastidious about hand washing, sometimes soaping and rinsing over and over and over again."
She's perhaps more than just a tad OCD.

"She's very good at falling, she knows how to tuck and roll."
She's clumsy.

"When she plays with blocks she lines them up very carefully in one direction and then turns them around to face the other way.  She also does this with chairs and other furniture around the classroom."
Practically an official OCD diagnosis.

In all seriousness, we were thrilled to hear that Quynh is making friends, following routines, learning new things, and thoroughly enjoying herself at school.

Circus Notes

If you let him run around a playground with several of his good friends for 2 solid hours, Tai will actually manage to nap in the car on the way to Boston.

Even a small city like Boston is downright thrilling to a four year old.  ("Look! Skyscrapers!" as he points out the dorms around BU's Nickerson Field)

Music, lights, and acrobats (and popcorn) can hold Quynh's attention for a solid hour.

Quynh can eat her weight in popcorn.

Contortionists are really interesting for about 5 minutes.  And then it just gets creepy, and a tad boring.

Quynh is too young to appreciate the clown acts.  Several times during one part she turned to me and said, "all done man" as if I had the power to remove the clown from the ring and switch to a more thrilling act.  This ain't The Gong Show, honey.  

Tai, however, is at exactly the right age for slapstick clown humor.  While Quynh was yawning, Tai was cackling.

Walking through Faneuil Hall with a headstrong toddler and a pre-schooler who won't break character in his role as velociraptor (complete with growling at strangers) is MUCH easier when you have two extra adults with you (Thanks J and E for coming with!)

I didn't get to see it, but apparently a living statue startled Quynh in a hilariously Funniest-Home-Videos kind of way.  Later, I tried to get her to sit next to an actual statue and she was wary as hell, waiting for it to move.  Someday she'll be on a therapist's couch working through her seemingly unnatural fear of statues.

Afternoon nap + Circus fun + large amounts of chocolate cake = Tai stayed awake in the car until we were 15 minutes from home.  I think he was up until close to 10pm.  This morning we wished his teachers the best of luck and high-tailed it out of there.

Textbook Situtation

Recently I've been thinking about how and when to introduce the topic of "stranger danger" to Tai.  I've been struggling with how to teach him to stay safe without turning him into a paranoid kid who won't say hello to or look anyone in the eye.  Up until now we've worked hard to get him to be polite to everyone, including the strangers who often come up to us in stores and other places.  And I think it's still fine for him to pass the time of day with folks, as long as Minh or I are there with him.

So the tricky part, for me, has been how to introduce the idea that there are some situations in which you need to be wary, or even rude.  And how to distinguish between those situations and others.  And how to explain why he should not just go chatting with everyone, everywhere we go. 

A friend of mine has recently done lots of research into this topic and gave me some good ideas for how to approach this with a four year old.  I made mental notes of what she found and told myself that rather than sit Tai down and have a forced conversation out of the blue, I'd wait for a relevant situation to present itself. 

Today it did.  Twice.

After school I took the kids to a little market/snack bar for an after school treat.  After we finished our snack, I was wrestling Quynh into her jacket when I looked up and found Tai about 100 feet away, standing next to a booth full of people, animatedly talking to them.  I called him back over to me and, as I zipped up his jacket, I told him that some people are nice and some are not and it's really hard to tell who is and who isn't, and this is why he shouldn't talk to other people unless he has a parent or grandparent with him.  His first question was whether he can talk to his grandparents if I'm not around.  "Yes," I explained, "What I mean to say is that you should not talk to strangers--people you do not know--unless you are with a grown-up that you do know."

Air-tight rule, right?  Not so much.  Tai came back with, "But if I go talk to them then I will know them, because I will have just met them!" I mumbled something under my breath about his ability to circumvent my logic and then found myself being asked to define "loophole."

(Of course, while I was saying all this, Quynh wandered off.) 

Ten minutes later we ran into someone we know, though not that well, over by the lobster tank.  She was beyond delighted to see the kids and chatted with us for longer than most, telling us excitedly that she had her dogs with her, out in the car.  We went our separate ways, but then ended up checking out at the same time, right after Tai, the cashier, and I  picked up the 75 Cadbury creme eggs that Quynh had knocked on the floor.

Our acquaintance asked, since we were heading to the parking lot together, would the kids like to come see her dogs.  Of course they would.  Suddenly I found myself in the prototypical "stranger danger" situation from my childhood.  "Come here, little girl, climb into the back of my van and I'll show you a puppy.  And give you candy.  And chloroform."  This is what I was taught to avoid as a child. 

Anyway, she did not have a giant cargo van and did not offer us candy.  But we did get to see her three large dogs jammed into a small sedan, which was amusing.  And then I had another opportunity to lecture Tai.  As I buckled him into my car I noted what a nice treat it was for him and Quynh to visit with those dogs and how it was OK to do that because (a) we know her and (b) I was with them.  Of course, I explained, we would not go do that with a stranger, and Tai should certainly not go do that with anyone, unless he had a parent with him.

I have no idea how much of it sank it, but I certainly don't think I traumatized him.  I'm not gonna bring it up again immediately, but will wait for other relevant moments to present themselves and then remind him of these new "rules."  I'm just really hoping he does not ask what might happen if he did go talk to a "not-nice-stranger."  I don't have an answer ready for that one.    

This parenting thing is exhausting.

Another Topic Checked Off

For those of you following along at home, we've already tackled the topics of death and religion with Tai. OK, so maybe we haven't actually "tackled" the topic of religion, as evidenced by that post. But Tai has recently been asking me about churches and what they are for and I've tried to answer as best I can. He seems satisfied.

The other day we crossed another one of Life's Amazing Wonders off our list when Tai found Quynh pulling assorted feminine products out of my overnight bag. I'll spare you the details of the dialogue, but he asked me, "What are those??" and I answered as honestly and simply as I could. He stared at me in what I thought was stunned silence for a moment and then said with much disappointment, "Oh, I thought they were snacks."

And that was that.

The Biggest Milestone of All

I've watched my family reach many major milestones over the past several years. Tai is in preschool and already knows more facts about animals than I do. He's also becoming an expert on dragons and other mythical creatures. He can write his name, count up to 43, and even do basic addition and subtraction.

Quynh is walking (and running, and climbing up on things, and jumping off them, and generally putting herself in mortal danger daily). She's even speaking in full sentences ("Let me see that, please!") Her car seat is now front-facing, so she spends car rides counting the things she sees out her window. ("fire hydrant! street light! mail box! 2 mail box! 4, 5, 7, 8!")

But I think the most stunning of all the recent milestones is the simple fact that we can now keep our toilet paper on the spindle, where it belongs. Seriously, this is huge. We moved into this house in 2003. Six months later we adopted Buttons as a 12-week-old puppy. While we made efforts to train her not to pee in the house or chew on the furniture, she quickly trained us not to keep the roll of toilet paper within her reach.

Buttons did mature into a well behaved dog and I do think the toilet paper might have gone back on the spindle for a while. But it was short lived. Tai was born at the end of 2006 and as soon as he learned to crawl he headed right for the TP like he was on a mission. (I think Buttons may have tipped him off.)

By the time Tai outgrew his desire for Toilet Paper Mischief (and moved on to Bigger and Better Mischief, like splashing in the dog's water bowl) Quynh's birth was imminent, so I think we figured "why bother?" and continued to keep the paper up on the vanity, or on the toilet tank.

Well, here we are. One day about a month ago I thought, "hmmmmm...I wonder...." and I put the toilet paper back on the spindle to see if anyone would notice. So far, so good. I think that Quynh is beyond the point of thrilling herself by un-spooling and entire roll of TP. Modelling herself closely after her older brother, she has already moved on to Bigger Things, like climbing on furniture, jumping on beds, and banging on computer keyboards. Since we're done having kids I think I can safely declare that our toilet paper is back where it belongs for good.

Until we get a kitten.

Mama's Magic Bag

Back in 2010 I came across a bag that I thought looked pretty cool. Mostly, I was smitten with the flowery pattern. But a cool pattern does not always guarantee a cool bag.

And it's always hard to tell from a tiny picture online whether a bag will actually function well in everyday life. How many pockets are inside? What size are they? Do they have zippers? Where will my phone go? All these questions remained unanswered. Naturally, I sent the link to my husband and asked his opinion. He suggested I pass, as it didn't look like it had many pockets and cost over $70. He usually has good instincts when it comes to this type of decision.

Still, I kept revisiting the website to stare at the picture, read and re-read the description, and hold my little wooden ruler up in the air trying to imagine exactly what a 12"x17"x5" bag would look like in real life. That is much larger than any bag I'd ever used before, but I started to rationalize it by thinking that I could use it as a purse/diaper bag instead of having both and switching back and forth all the time, depending on whether the kids were with me. Finally, I made the ultimate wishy-washy non-decision and added it to my online wish list. If someone bought it for me, great. If not, it was not meant to be.

(Please note that this fatalistic mentality does not always work. I also added a Kindle to my online wish list and no one bought it. So now I torture myself daily over whether to buy the damn thing myself.)

Well, someone did buy it. On Christmas morning I unwrapped it and immediately thought, "Wow, that's big," just as Minh said, "Wow, that's big."

But big does not have to be bad. Big is just different. I've been using it for 2 months now and and have been actively trying to promote its image as Mama's Magic Bag. I like to think of it as something mysterious, containing hidden treasures a-la-Mary Poppins' carpetbag.

But really, it's just a big bag.

It has enabled me to completely abandon the diaper bag and that feels fantastic. My new bag contains the usual purse stuff -- wallet, phone, lip balm, sunglasses, tissues, gum, etc. But it also holds diapers, wipes, a bib, a travel place mat, snacks, sticker books, and crayons. I even have room in there for a small First Aid kit. When I stick a bottle of water in the side pocket, I feel like I could live out of my bag for about 3 days. It's a nice feeling, actually.

The only problem with this new bag seems to be that the more carry-space I have available, the more crap I seem to need to lug around. When I first started using the bag it was a nearly empty cavern and if you spoke into it you'd hear your echo come back to you. Suddenly, it's pretty darn full and I wonder how I ever used a smaller bag. My fear now is that at some point I'll need an even bigger bag. At this rate, by the time I am 40 I'll be lugging around a bag the size of a Prius. But at least then I'll have room to carry around the Kindle that I think we all know I'm going to buy before too long.

Matricide, Anyone?

Loveys have all sort of uses, I know. Lately, Emmit's role has been to manifest all the bad habits and disconcerting personality traits we actively try to discourage in Tai. Poor kid needs an outlet, I guess. Emmit, who was once nothing but a sweet, lovable duck, is now officially a Bad Influence on Tai.

Some examples:
"Emmit like to watch movies with guns"
"Emmit likes fighting with swords"
"Emmit said he hates me"
"Emmit thinks it's funny when people die"


Part of me thinks this is a very healthy thing for Tai. He uses Emmit when he wants to talk about taboo or difficult things. "Emmit has questions about guns -- how do they work? -- what's inside them? -- how do they kill you?" I explain patiently and calmly to Emmit as best I can, trying to impart only factual knowledge and not condone violence.

Then, the other night, after a long discussion with Emmit about violence and appropriate behavior and language, I was tucking Tai into his bed and he told me, "Emmit is whispering to me right now. He's telling me to kill you."

So I locked myself in my Panic Room and alerted the authorities that my life was in danger.

OK, not really. I whispered in Tai's ear that no matter what Emmit says I know that he (Tai) is growing up to be a kind and gentle person and that I love him. He was practically asleep when I tiptoed out of the room.


I survived the night without any attacks on my life. And I'm not really worried about Tai becoming violent. I know he's just curious. What I worry about is making it worse with my parenting. When we make things like "gun play" taboo, he naturally becomes obsessed with it. But I'm not ready to go ahead and give him free reign to get it out of his system either. I can't stand the thought of my little boy running around pretending to shoot friends or family members with pretend (even invisible) guns.


I didn't major in Psych, but isn't he suposed to want to kill his dad so he can have me all to himself? Perhaps he watches too much Family Guy.

Keeping Score

For those of you playing along at home, here are Q's potty training stats:

Day 4
14 new pairs of size 4 underwear
20 jelly beans
6 accidents
She'll be 21 months on Monday

It's Never Too Early to Plan for Halloween

Tai is having trouble deciding whether to be his favorite superhero or his favorite character-from-a-movie-he-has-not-even-seen next Halloween.

His interests are eclectic. Stay tuned for updates.

Don't Read This One While Eating

This morning Quynh pooped in the toilet. Feeling the urge in the middle of breakfast she announced "poopy! poopy!" And when I asked, "Do you want to go to the potty?" She nodded and said "beeeg toy-lit." So off we went to the Big Toilet.

After making her classic Pooping Face she announced she was "all done" and lo-and-behold there was a little poop nugget in the toilet. The whole family celebrated. She got to ring the bell twice and eat her first-ever jelly bean. She was very excited to tell Tai and Daddy of her accomplishment and to show off her jelly bean. For 10 minutes she walked around the house bare-bottomed with her diaper and pants in one hand and her green jelly bean in the other. Someone needs to teacher that girl that, when licked, jelly beans do melt in your hand and ought not to be savored quite so long. After I wiped the green stickiness from her mouth and hands, got her dressed, and turned down her request for "Moh Jelly Bean?" I sent her and her brother downstairs to play.

What no one suspected was that the little poop nugget was merely foreshadowing of Greater Things To Come.

Ten minutes after being sent downstairs, Tai called up to us, "Quynh took her pants off!!" Just as I was calling back, "Oh, that's OK!" I heard Minh (looking down from the top step) ask, "And where's her diaper?" And then Tai said, "I smell something poopy."

Oh no.

Apparently our little ready-to-potty-train girl had pooped in her diaper and then took it upon herself to remove her pants, and diaper, and sit down on the carpeted floor, in three places. All hands were immediately on deck, as Tai and Minh worked to spot-clean the rug while I wiped Quynh's bum (and back, and calf, and foot) and plopped her into the bathtub. Understandably, her shirt was smeared with poop. As were, somehow, Tai's pants.

Quynh was delighted by the idea of an unexpected weekday morning bath and seemed quite amused by the whole situation. Fifteen minutes later, when it was all over, Tai announced wisely, "That was terrible."

Paper or Plastic?

The book club I joined is still going, despite losing several members and having one cancelled meeting. I'm still enjoying it and am looking forward to meeting again next week. Somehow, membership in this club (which only requires that I read a book every 6 weeks) has re-ignited my former love of reading and I'm actually reading other books in-between the official Book Club Books.

Even better, I've been getting all these books from the local public library, which is something I never did before. For some reason I had always wanted to own my very own copy of every book I read. I no longer feel that way, probably because I have (a) so many other things to spend my money on, like day care, and (b) so much less storage space after the home renovation.

So Tai and I have been enjoying the library. He quietly walks through the stacks to help me find my "grown-up book" and then he gets to pick a book, or CD, or video for himself. As long as Quynh is not with us (standing on rocking chairs, climbing on tables, banging at keyboards, and just generally wandering off) it's a pleasant outing.

So here's the thing. I want a Kindle. My friends have them, my boss has one, my mother has one, even Darryl from The Office has one. I want one!

Presumably, if I get a Kindle I'll start reading even more, just so I can use my new toy. And at $10/book, that could get pricey. So what I really want to be able to do is get free e-books from the library. And, apparently, this type of thing exists. The local network of libraries has almost 1,00o fiction titles available digitally, for e-readers. But you can't use a Kindle. It has to be another kind of e-reader if you want to use the e-library. Because Amazon.com is just that snotty about things.

So the dilemma is this -- do I get any sort of e-reader? If so, which one? How do I decide between a Kindle, a Nook, a Kobo, or all the others? I find this task overwhelming, to say the least, and I'm terrified of unknowingly purchasing the BetaMax of e-readers. And part of me really just wants the Kindle because that's the one All The Cool Kids Have. Or do I just stick with the Old Fashioned books made out of actual paper, so that Tai and I have a shared reason to venture out to the library?

Thoughts?

Ring For Service

Not long ago I was cleaning the bathroom in preparation for some house guests and realized some people might find it odd that we have a desk bell sitting on the vanity. Those of you "in the know" realize that this was a long-ago attempt to get Tai excited about potty training that had mixed results, at best.


But even though it never quite had the effect I had hoped it would, we never managed to remove the bell from the bathroom. So there it sat, largely unused. As Tai became adept at peeing on the potty he would sometimes remember to ring the bell, and sometimes not.


But now that he is FULLY potty trained, the bell has taken on a new purpose. Tai rings the bell twice after he has pooped in the toilet and it is the "I'm done! Come wipe my ass!" signal. He requires privacy for doing his business, so he needs the bell as a way to let us know he's finished in there, behind closed doors. When we hear that "ding ding!" either Minh or I make our way to the bathroom and inevitably find Tai standing up on the stool, facing the toilet, and bent over like he's about to be frisked.


So that, my friends, is why we have a bell in the bathroom.