We like to think that we are raising our kids to understand the concepts of earnings, savings, and disposable income.
Even though my general feeling is that we buy our kids ridiculous quantities of books, toys, and clothes, it still seems like we are constantly saying, "No, we can't get that/do that/go there because it costs too much money." Once, our kids asked me if we were rich or poor. We have, on several occasions, explained that we do have plenty of money for the things we need, but we are careful when deciding what to spend our money on. ("No, we can't buy you every Lego set in Target because we need to spend our money on the mortgage, food, clothes, etc.")
A couple weeks ago Tai demonstrated just how well he has been listening to our lectures about responsible spending. Over dinner one night Quynh started in with, "You know what I really really really want you to buy me? A pair of tap shoes!!!"
Minh and I exchanged a quick look that said, "That's the LAST thing we need is her tapping all over the house 24-7," but before either of us could even come up with what to say to her, Tai chimed in: "Quynh, you know Mama and Daddy have to spend their money on more important things, like this house." And then he added, incredulously, "Do you know they haven't even finished paying for this house yet?"
This began a discussion of mortgages and Tai asked us when we'd be done paying off the house. When Minh answered "27 years" Tai asked, "Will you even be ALIVE then?" And then again, before we could answer he added, "You had better show me how [to pay the mortgage] just in case." This lead to a brief discussion of inherited debt, and life insurance. Meanwhile, Quynh was sitting there wondering whether she was getting tap shoes.
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Then, just the other day, the four of us were browsing in a store when Tai spotted the stuffed tiger that would complete his stuffed tiger collection--on sale for only $5! He had exactly less-than-five-dollars in his wallet, so he asked us to buy it for him. I said no.
I had been feeling fed up with the notion that we always buy something in every store we enter. I want them to learn to browse and then leave, dammit. So I put my foot down. No.Freaking.Way.
Tai whimpered in the back of the car like an injured dog, all the way home. An hour or so after we got home, we had a little talk about the Damn Stuffed Tiger and how important it was to him and how it was the only one left so by the time he saved up enough money it would surely be gone. I still refused to pay for it but suggested he do about 50 chores to earn the money he needed (at the usual 5 cents a chore).
I have never seen him so motivated -- he was seeking out things to clean all evening and then again first thing in the morning. After breakfast we tallied up the results and saw that he was still $1.80 short. I was about to say "Tough luck, kiddo, keep doing chores and check the store again tomorrow" when Quynh said, "I have a five dollar bill he can have."
Indeed, she did. This is the girl who almost never spends the pittance she gets from doing chores, nor the small fortune she gets from her grandparents. At any given time, she probably has about $45 in her wallet, while Tai usually has about $0.45 because the moment he has saved up $5-$8 he blows it on some trinket.
Not wanting Tai to take advantage of his more frugal sister, we agreed that she could lend him the $1.80, but that he had to pay her back. Needless to say, his motivation for doing chores dropped dramatically once he had the Tiger in hand. So Minh insisted on a repayment deadline after which re-possession of the Tiger would occur.
Tai now has a complete Stuffed Tiger Collection and a completely empty wallet. And his laundry is folded and his room is clean. And maybe some sort of lesson was learned? By someone? Or maybe not.....
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And finally, on a completely different day, Tai and I had a conversation about childbirth. (I know, this sounds unrelated, but stay with me).
Tai is very interested in babies and childbirth and frequently asks me to tell him his birth story. This long-time interest was re-ignited after a recent viewing of the Reading Rainbow episode called, "On the Day You Were Born". (Which, incidentally, handles the subject frankly yet tactfully).
This time he did not want to hear the whole story of his birth, but had one very particular question for me. It went something like this: "Mama, when you tell the story of how Quynh and I were born you say that it hurt and that you said 'ow!' but the woman on Reading Rainbow didn't say anything and it didn't seem like it hurt her at all.......why?"
I explained the concept of the epidural and that some women get that "special medicine" and some do not. As I was telling him that I did not have an epidural I was thinking in the back of my mind that he would be, I don't know, impressed? But instead of marveling at my ability to birth my babies unassisted by modern medicine, or even asking me why I made that choice, a knowing look spread across his face and he simply stated, "Oh, that special medicine must cost a lot of money."
