Textbook Situtation

Recently I've been thinking about how and when to introduce the topic of "stranger danger" to Tai.  I've been struggling with how to teach him to stay safe without turning him into a paranoid kid who won't say hello to or look anyone in the eye.  Up until now we've worked hard to get him to be polite to everyone, including the strangers who often come up to us in stores and other places.  And I think it's still fine for him to pass the time of day with folks, as long as Minh or I are there with him.

So the tricky part, for me, has been how to introduce the idea that there are some situations in which you need to be wary, or even rude.  And how to distinguish between those situations and others.  And how to explain why he should not just go chatting with everyone, everywhere we go. 

A friend of mine has recently done lots of research into this topic and gave me some good ideas for how to approach this with a four year old.  I made mental notes of what she found and told myself that rather than sit Tai down and have a forced conversation out of the blue, I'd wait for a relevant situation to present itself. 

Today it did.  Twice.

After school I took the kids to a little market/snack bar for an after school treat.  After we finished our snack, I was wrestling Quynh into her jacket when I looked up and found Tai about 100 feet away, standing next to a booth full of people, animatedly talking to them.  I called him back over to me and, as I zipped up his jacket, I told him that some people are nice and some are not and it's really hard to tell who is and who isn't, and this is why he shouldn't talk to other people unless he has a parent or grandparent with him.  His first question was whether he can talk to his grandparents if I'm not around.  "Yes," I explained, "What I mean to say is that you should not talk to strangers--people you do not know--unless you are with a grown-up that you do know."

Air-tight rule, right?  Not so much.  Tai came back with, "But if I go talk to them then I will know them, because I will have just met them!" I mumbled something under my breath about his ability to circumvent my logic and then found myself being asked to define "loophole."

(Of course, while I was saying all this, Quynh wandered off.) 

Ten minutes later we ran into someone we know, though not that well, over by the lobster tank.  She was beyond delighted to see the kids and chatted with us for longer than most, telling us excitedly that she had her dogs with her, out in the car.  We went our separate ways, but then ended up checking out at the same time, right after Tai, the cashier, and I  picked up the 75 Cadbury creme eggs that Quynh had knocked on the floor.

Our acquaintance asked, since we were heading to the parking lot together, would the kids like to come see her dogs.  Of course they would.  Suddenly I found myself in the prototypical "stranger danger" situation from my childhood.  "Come here, little girl, climb into the back of my van and I'll show you a puppy.  And give you candy.  And chloroform."  This is what I was taught to avoid as a child. 

Anyway, she did not have a giant cargo van and did not offer us candy.  But we did get to see her three large dogs jammed into a small sedan, which was amusing.  And then I had another opportunity to lecture Tai.  As I buckled him into my car I noted what a nice treat it was for him and Quynh to visit with those dogs and how it was OK to do that because (a) we know her and (b) I was with them.  Of course, I explained, we would not go do that with a stranger, and Tai should certainly not go do that with anyone, unless he had a parent with him.

I have no idea how much of it sank it, but I certainly don't think I traumatized him.  I'm not gonna bring it up again immediately, but will wait for other relevant moments to present themselves and then remind him of these new "rules."  I'm just really hoping he does not ask what might happen if he did go talk to a "not-nice-stranger."  I don't have an answer ready for that one.    

This parenting thing is exhausting.

Another Topic Checked Off

For those of you following along at home, we've already tackled the topics of death and religion with Tai. OK, so maybe we haven't actually "tackled" the topic of religion, as evidenced by that post. But Tai has recently been asking me about churches and what they are for and I've tried to answer as best I can. He seems satisfied.

The other day we crossed another one of Life's Amazing Wonders off our list when Tai found Quynh pulling assorted feminine products out of my overnight bag. I'll spare you the details of the dialogue, but he asked me, "What are those??" and I answered as honestly and simply as I could. He stared at me in what I thought was stunned silence for a moment and then said with much disappointment, "Oh, I thought they were snacks."

And that was that.

The Biggest Milestone of All

I've watched my family reach many major milestones over the past several years. Tai is in preschool and already knows more facts about animals than I do. He's also becoming an expert on dragons and other mythical creatures. He can write his name, count up to 43, and even do basic addition and subtraction.

Quynh is walking (and running, and climbing up on things, and jumping off them, and generally putting herself in mortal danger daily). She's even speaking in full sentences ("Let me see that, please!") Her car seat is now front-facing, so she spends car rides counting the things she sees out her window. ("fire hydrant! street light! mail box! 2 mail box! 4, 5, 7, 8!")

But I think the most stunning of all the recent milestones is the simple fact that we can now keep our toilet paper on the spindle, where it belongs. Seriously, this is huge. We moved into this house in 2003. Six months later we adopted Buttons as a 12-week-old puppy. While we made efforts to train her not to pee in the house or chew on the furniture, she quickly trained us not to keep the roll of toilet paper within her reach.

Buttons did mature into a well behaved dog and I do think the toilet paper might have gone back on the spindle for a while. But it was short lived. Tai was born at the end of 2006 and as soon as he learned to crawl he headed right for the TP like he was on a mission. (I think Buttons may have tipped him off.)

By the time Tai outgrew his desire for Toilet Paper Mischief (and moved on to Bigger and Better Mischief, like splashing in the dog's water bowl) Quynh's birth was imminent, so I think we figured "why bother?" and continued to keep the paper up on the vanity, or on the toilet tank.

Well, here we are. One day about a month ago I thought, "hmmmmm...I wonder...." and I put the toilet paper back on the spindle to see if anyone would notice. So far, so good. I think that Quynh is beyond the point of thrilling herself by un-spooling and entire roll of TP. Modelling herself closely after her older brother, she has already moved on to Bigger Things, like climbing on furniture, jumping on beds, and banging on computer keyboards. Since we're done having kids I think I can safely declare that our toilet paper is back where it belongs for good.

Until we get a kitten.

Mama's Magic Bag

Back in 2010 I came across a bag that I thought looked pretty cool. Mostly, I was smitten with the flowery pattern. But a cool pattern does not always guarantee a cool bag.

And it's always hard to tell from a tiny picture online whether a bag will actually function well in everyday life. How many pockets are inside? What size are they? Do they have zippers? Where will my phone go? All these questions remained unanswered. Naturally, I sent the link to my husband and asked his opinion. He suggested I pass, as it didn't look like it had many pockets and cost over $70. He usually has good instincts when it comes to this type of decision.

Still, I kept revisiting the website to stare at the picture, read and re-read the description, and hold my little wooden ruler up in the air trying to imagine exactly what a 12"x17"x5" bag would look like in real life. That is much larger than any bag I'd ever used before, but I started to rationalize it by thinking that I could use it as a purse/diaper bag instead of having both and switching back and forth all the time, depending on whether the kids were with me. Finally, I made the ultimate wishy-washy non-decision and added it to my online wish list. If someone bought it for me, great. If not, it was not meant to be.

(Please note that this fatalistic mentality does not always work. I also added a Kindle to my online wish list and no one bought it. So now I torture myself daily over whether to buy the damn thing myself.)

Well, someone did buy it. On Christmas morning I unwrapped it and immediately thought, "Wow, that's big," just as Minh said, "Wow, that's big."

But big does not have to be bad. Big is just different. I've been using it for 2 months now and and have been actively trying to promote its image as Mama's Magic Bag. I like to think of it as something mysterious, containing hidden treasures a-la-Mary Poppins' carpetbag.

But really, it's just a big bag.

It has enabled me to completely abandon the diaper bag and that feels fantastic. My new bag contains the usual purse stuff -- wallet, phone, lip balm, sunglasses, tissues, gum, etc. But it also holds diapers, wipes, a bib, a travel place mat, snacks, sticker books, and crayons. I even have room in there for a small First Aid kit. When I stick a bottle of water in the side pocket, I feel like I could live out of my bag for about 3 days. It's a nice feeling, actually.

The only problem with this new bag seems to be that the more carry-space I have available, the more crap I seem to need to lug around. When I first started using the bag it was a nearly empty cavern and if you spoke into it you'd hear your echo come back to you. Suddenly, it's pretty darn full and I wonder how I ever used a smaller bag. My fear now is that at some point I'll need an even bigger bag. At this rate, by the time I am 40 I'll be lugging around a bag the size of a Prius. But at least then I'll have room to carry around the Kindle that I think we all know I'm going to buy before too long.