It's important to me to raise thoughtful, generous kids. This is why I take Tai to the toy aisle at Target and let him choose birthday gifts for his friends whenever he's been invited to a party. I do this to teach him about giving. I do this despite the fact that it is hell for me.
He actually did really well the first couple times, when his task was to spend far too long drooling over all the really cool toys that he'd like to have for himself and then choose one to give a (boy) friend.
But last weekend he did.....um....less well choosing a birthday gift for Quynh. Maybe because it is his sister? Maybe because she is a girl? I'm not sure why, but despite me being very clear about the plan he started asking me to buy HIM something just as we approached the toy aisle. I stopped short of entering the Dreaded Toy Section of Target and said very clearly that we were there to get something for Quynh and that's it.
Upon entering the Toy Section, he immediately needed clarification over the money situation, so he asked, "Am I buying this with MY money? Or are you?" I assured him that all he had to do was choose the gift and I'd buy it. I did not give him a particular price point to work with, but he generally senses that the items in huge boxes on the bottom shelf are way too expensive. He tends to point at them and declare, "I know we're not getting that!"
So we started to browse and he started turning down all my suggestions. The doll's bed, the mermaid tub toy, the Dora sprinkler, the My Little Pony -- none of them were what he wanted to buy her. "Mama, I'm NOT getting her THAT!" was heard by shoppers several aisles away a few times.
Then he got distracted.
"Tai, I don't think she wants a Star Wars Lego set...."
"Tai, we're not getting her a leap pad video game system...."
"Tai I know that YOU want X, Y, Z, but you need to focus and find something for Quynh..."
After a few more whines of the, "But can't we get this for ME?" nature, he got really smart and came out with this one: "If I get something for Quynh that just costs a little money, can I use the left-over money to get something for myself?"
Genius. Pure genius--I was totally impressed. And pissed off. What kind of attitude is that? Can't you just see him picturing himself coming home with a $1.99 plastic piece of crap for Quynh and a $20 Avengers Action Figure for himself? I held my ground and said that no matter the price of the gift he selected for Quynh we were not buying anything for him.
The good news is he pulled it together just short of me throwing a My Little Pony into the cart and carrying him kicking and screaming to the checkout. He zeroed in on a gender-neutral, age-appropriate toy that I really do think Quynh will enjoy playing with (and Tai will too, which seems to have been his criteria all along).
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