Inside Out

I have two children, one of whom I enjoy spending time with inside the house and the other I enjoy taking on outings. Is that bad?

Now that Tai is four, I am really enjoying doing lots of activities with him.  I've taken him to concerts and plays, we've gone hiking with the dog, and I love to walk around the neighborhood while he zooms past me on his bike.  Inside the house is a different story.  He only seems interested in imaginative play, and only if I'm right there imagining with him.  It's gotten to the point where I dread Sunday mornings in our playroom.  I truly do not have the energy or desire to play "oceans" or "dinosaurs"  or "kitties" or "Shrek" because they all involve me crawling around on the ground, reciting the specific dialog that Tai has just "written," and usually fighting off the attacks of some sort of creature.  It's downright exhausting.

Quynh, simply because of her age, is not quite ready for many of the outings Tai enjoys.  She became unbearably fidgety half way through the circus and I wouldn't even try to make her sit through a production of The Sound of Music.  She has come on some hikes, but either needs to be carried or wants to walk at her (understandably) slow toddler pace.  None of this is her fault--she's not even two yet.  But at home (both inside and out) she is generally delightful and easy to play with.  Playing with Quynh really just means sitting near her and watching her play.  She likes to draw with crayons, markers, or chalk, sculpt with play-dough, build towers with blocks, and swaddle her baby dolls.  She also loves to cook and serve imaginary food.  She brings me cup after cup of hot cocoa and all I have to do is pretend to drink it and smile.  I get to sit back, relax and enjoy watching her have fun.

Of course, I love both my kids immensely.  But basically, I am just lazy, I guess.  Somehow I usually have the energy for a hike or a game of hide-n-seek or a trip to the playground, but I find it mentally and physically draining to pretend I'm a T-Rex or operate a princess hand-puppet.  Is that weird?  It was the same way with Buttons when she was a puppy too.  I'd take her on long walks and challenging hikes nearly every day.  But when we were at home I had no desire to play fetch or tug-of-war with her doggie toys.  (Yes, I just likened my kid to a puppy).

Good thing I have two kids -- one for inside and one for out.

Movin' On Up. Or Not. I Dunno.

Tai starts kindergarten in approximately 16 months.  Therefore it is time for the Parental Kindergarten Freak-Out.  What should we do?  Where should we send him?  Public? Private? Charter? School Choice?  Should we *gasp* move to a different district?

Having grown up in Simpler Times, when everyone but the devout Catholics and the extremely rich attended the neighborhood school, and having recently seen other parents go through the Freak-Out, I've always wanted to be that family that sends their kid to the local public school and doesn't sweat it.  He's a smart kid and our public school district is actually not that bad (though not exactly top-notch either).

Sadly, I've spent the past month or so coming to grips with the fact that I am indeed One of Those Parents who will explore every option, tour multiple schools, and even consider leaving the house that I love and moving to a better school district.  

Part of me still wants to just sit tight and send him to the local school.  I think it will be fine.  But then part of me wonders why on Earth anyone would settle for "fine" when it comes to their child's education.  A long time ago a friend explained to me the he checked the consumer reports website on infant car seats and then proceeded to buy the #1 safety rated seat, even though it was very expensive and about 3lbs heavier than the others.  He put it to me like this, "How could anyone buy a 'less safe' car seat for their newborn baby?"  (Of course, I had already reviewed the same consumer reports page and elected to buy a different seat for my Expected Bundle of Joy.)  But now I'm feeling the same way about education.  Why wouldn't we give our kids the very best we can afford?

That brings me to the topic of money.  Private schools cost money.  Though, surprisingly, some of them actually cost less than what we currently pay for daycare.  So when you think about it that way, we could actually afford it.  But my gut, way down deep inside, is still anti-private school.  Additionally, it's looking like it might actually cost us less, per month, to pay a larger mortgage and higher taxes in order to access a better public school district than it would to stay put and send the kids to private school.  This would also allow my kids to have what I still think of as the more "normal" experience where they ride the bus to the same local school that the neighbors attend, rather than being chauffeured to a school three towns away by me or Minh.  (Of course, I realize times are a-changin' and tons of kids around here are indeed attending private or charter schools in other towns.)

Even though I truly love my house and neighborhood, at this moment,* I'm feeling like I'd actually rather move and spend my money on taxes to an excellent school district than give money to a rich private school.  




*It should go without saying that the Freak-Out Process is long and tumultuous.  Look forward to additional posts in which I contradict everything I've said here.*  

Reading Between The Lines

We had Quynh's spring parent-teacher conference yesterday.  It's always nice to hear how lovely your child is and see photos and videos of them having fun at school.  And if you listen carefully you can often glean some interesting information.  For example:

"Quynh's young age and small stature are no obstacle for her.  She asserts herself well."
She yells when other kids try to take her toys.

"She can be very focused on a game and particular about how it is to be played."
She's a tad OCD.

"Quynh and [her friend] are very close, but they do have conflicts, as most close friends do."
They fight over toys.

"She is fastidious about hand washing, sometimes soaping and rinsing over and over and over again."
She's perhaps more than just a tad OCD.

"She's very good at falling, she knows how to tuck and roll."
She's clumsy.

"When she plays with blocks she lines them up very carefully in one direction and then turns them around to face the other way.  She also does this with chairs and other furniture around the classroom."
Practically an official OCD diagnosis.

In all seriousness, we were thrilled to hear that Quynh is making friends, following routines, learning new things, and thoroughly enjoying herself at school.

Circus Notes

If you let him run around a playground with several of his good friends for 2 solid hours, Tai will actually manage to nap in the car on the way to Boston.

Even a small city like Boston is downright thrilling to a four year old.  ("Look! Skyscrapers!" as he points out the dorms around BU's Nickerson Field)

Music, lights, and acrobats (and popcorn) can hold Quynh's attention for a solid hour.

Quynh can eat her weight in popcorn.

Contortionists are really interesting for about 5 minutes.  And then it just gets creepy, and a tad boring.

Quynh is too young to appreciate the clown acts.  Several times during one part she turned to me and said, "all done man" as if I had the power to remove the clown from the ring and switch to a more thrilling act.  This ain't The Gong Show, honey.  

Tai, however, is at exactly the right age for slapstick clown humor.  While Quynh was yawning, Tai was cackling.

Walking through Faneuil Hall with a headstrong toddler and a pre-schooler who won't break character in his role as velociraptor (complete with growling at strangers) is MUCH easier when you have two extra adults with you (Thanks J and E for coming with!)

I didn't get to see it, but apparently a living statue startled Quynh in a hilariously Funniest-Home-Videos kind of way.  Later, I tried to get her to sit next to an actual statue and she was wary as hell, waiting for it to move.  Someday she'll be on a therapist's couch working through her seemingly unnatural fear of statues.

Afternoon nap + Circus fun + large amounts of chocolate cake = Tai stayed awake in the car until we were 15 minutes from home.  I think he was up until close to 10pm.  This morning we wished his teachers the best of luck and high-tailed it out of there.

Textbook Situtation

Recently I've been thinking about how and when to introduce the topic of "stranger danger" to Tai.  I've been struggling with how to teach him to stay safe without turning him into a paranoid kid who won't say hello to or look anyone in the eye.  Up until now we've worked hard to get him to be polite to everyone, including the strangers who often come up to us in stores and other places.  And I think it's still fine for him to pass the time of day with folks, as long as Minh or I are there with him.

So the tricky part, for me, has been how to introduce the idea that there are some situations in which you need to be wary, or even rude.  And how to distinguish between those situations and others.  And how to explain why he should not just go chatting with everyone, everywhere we go. 

A friend of mine has recently done lots of research into this topic and gave me some good ideas for how to approach this with a four year old.  I made mental notes of what she found and told myself that rather than sit Tai down and have a forced conversation out of the blue, I'd wait for a relevant situation to present itself. 

Today it did.  Twice.

After school I took the kids to a little market/snack bar for an after school treat.  After we finished our snack, I was wrestling Quynh into her jacket when I looked up and found Tai about 100 feet away, standing next to a booth full of people, animatedly talking to them.  I called him back over to me and, as I zipped up his jacket, I told him that some people are nice and some are not and it's really hard to tell who is and who isn't, and this is why he shouldn't talk to other people unless he has a parent or grandparent with him.  His first question was whether he can talk to his grandparents if I'm not around.  "Yes," I explained, "What I mean to say is that you should not talk to strangers--people you do not know--unless you are with a grown-up that you do know."

Air-tight rule, right?  Not so much.  Tai came back with, "But if I go talk to them then I will know them, because I will have just met them!" I mumbled something under my breath about his ability to circumvent my logic and then found myself being asked to define "loophole."

(Of course, while I was saying all this, Quynh wandered off.) 

Ten minutes later we ran into someone we know, though not that well, over by the lobster tank.  She was beyond delighted to see the kids and chatted with us for longer than most, telling us excitedly that she had her dogs with her, out in the car.  We went our separate ways, but then ended up checking out at the same time, right after Tai, the cashier, and I  picked up the 75 Cadbury creme eggs that Quynh had knocked on the floor.

Our acquaintance asked, since we were heading to the parking lot together, would the kids like to come see her dogs.  Of course they would.  Suddenly I found myself in the prototypical "stranger danger" situation from my childhood.  "Come here, little girl, climb into the back of my van and I'll show you a puppy.  And give you candy.  And chloroform."  This is what I was taught to avoid as a child. 

Anyway, she did not have a giant cargo van and did not offer us candy.  But we did get to see her three large dogs jammed into a small sedan, which was amusing.  And then I had another opportunity to lecture Tai.  As I buckled him into my car I noted what a nice treat it was for him and Quynh to visit with those dogs and how it was OK to do that because (a) we know her and (b) I was with them.  Of course, I explained, we would not go do that with a stranger, and Tai should certainly not go do that with anyone, unless he had a parent with him.

I have no idea how much of it sank it, but I certainly don't think I traumatized him.  I'm not gonna bring it up again immediately, but will wait for other relevant moments to present themselves and then remind him of these new "rules."  I'm just really hoping he does not ask what might happen if he did go talk to a "not-nice-stranger."  I don't have an answer ready for that one.    

This parenting thing is exhausting.

Another Topic Checked Off

For those of you following along at home, we've already tackled the topics of death and religion with Tai. OK, so maybe we haven't actually "tackled" the topic of religion, as evidenced by that post. But Tai has recently been asking me about churches and what they are for and I've tried to answer as best I can. He seems satisfied.

The other day we crossed another one of Life's Amazing Wonders off our list when Tai found Quynh pulling assorted feminine products out of my overnight bag. I'll spare you the details of the dialogue, but he asked me, "What are those??" and I answered as honestly and simply as I could. He stared at me in what I thought was stunned silence for a moment and then said with much disappointment, "Oh, I thought they were snacks."

And that was that.

The Biggest Milestone of All

I've watched my family reach many major milestones over the past several years. Tai is in preschool and already knows more facts about animals than I do. He's also becoming an expert on dragons and other mythical creatures. He can write his name, count up to 43, and even do basic addition and subtraction.

Quynh is walking (and running, and climbing up on things, and jumping off them, and generally putting herself in mortal danger daily). She's even speaking in full sentences ("Let me see that, please!") Her car seat is now front-facing, so she spends car rides counting the things she sees out her window. ("fire hydrant! street light! mail box! 2 mail box! 4, 5, 7, 8!")

But I think the most stunning of all the recent milestones is the simple fact that we can now keep our toilet paper on the spindle, where it belongs. Seriously, this is huge. We moved into this house in 2003. Six months later we adopted Buttons as a 12-week-old puppy. While we made efforts to train her not to pee in the house or chew on the furniture, she quickly trained us not to keep the roll of toilet paper within her reach.

Buttons did mature into a well behaved dog and I do think the toilet paper might have gone back on the spindle for a while. But it was short lived. Tai was born at the end of 2006 and as soon as he learned to crawl he headed right for the TP like he was on a mission. (I think Buttons may have tipped him off.)

By the time Tai outgrew his desire for Toilet Paper Mischief (and moved on to Bigger and Better Mischief, like splashing in the dog's water bowl) Quynh's birth was imminent, so I think we figured "why bother?" and continued to keep the paper up on the vanity, or on the toilet tank.

Well, here we are. One day about a month ago I thought, "hmmmmm...I wonder...." and I put the toilet paper back on the spindle to see if anyone would notice. So far, so good. I think that Quynh is beyond the point of thrilling herself by un-spooling and entire roll of TP. Modelling herself closely after her older brother, she has already moved on to Bigger Things, like climbing on furniture, jumping on beds, and banging on computer keyboards. Since we're done having kids I think I can safely declare that our toilet paper is back where it belongs for good.

Until we get a kitten.

Mama's Magic Bag

Back in 2010 I came across a bag that I thought looked pretty cool. Mostly, I was smitten with the flowery pattern. But a cool pattern does not always guarantee a cool bag.

And it's always hard to tell from a tiny picture online whether a bag will actually function well in everyday life. How many pockets are inside? What size are they? Do they have zippers? Where will my phone go? All these questions remained unanswered. Naturally, I sent the link to my husband and asked his opinion. He suggested I pass, as it didn't look like it had many pockets and cost over $70. He usually has good instincts when it comes to this type of decision.

Still, I kept revisiting the website to stare at the picture, read and re-read the description, and hold my little wooden ruler up in the air trying to imagine exactly what a 12"x17"x5" bag would look like in real life. That is much larger than any bag I'd ever used before, but I started to rationalize it by thinking that I could use it as a purse/diaper bag instead of having both and switching back and forth all the time, depending on whether the kids were with me. Finally, I made the ultimate wishy-washy non-decision and added it to my online wish list. If someone bought it for me, great. If not, it was not meant to be.

(Please note that this fatalistic mentality does not always work. I also added a Kindle to my online wish list and no one bought it. So now I torture myself daily over whether to buy the damn thing myself.)

Well, someone did buy it. On Christmas morning I unwrapped it and immediately thought, "Wow, that's big," just as Minh said, "Wow, that's big."

But big does not have to be bad. Big is just different. I've been using it for 2 months now and and have been actively trying to promote its image as Mama's Magic Bag. I like to think of it as something mysterious, containing hidden treasures a-la-Mary Poppins' carpetbag.

But really, it's just a big bag.

It has enabled me to completely abandon the diaper bag and that feels fantastic. My new bag contains the usual purse stuff -- wallet, phone, lip balm, sunglasses, tissues, gum, etc. But it also holds diapers, wipes, a bib, a travel place mat, snacks, sticker books, and crayons. I even have room in there for a small First Aid kit. When I stick a bottle of water in the side pocket, I feel like I could live out of my bag for about 3 days. It's a nice feeling, actually.

The only problem with this new bag seems to be that the more carry-space I have available, the more crap I seem to need to lug around. When I first started using the bag it was a nearly empty cavern and if you spoke into it you'd hear your echo come back to you. Suddenly, it's pretty darn full and I wonder how I ever used a smaller bag. My fear now is that at some point I'll need an even bigger bag. At this rate, by the time I am 40 I'll be lugging around a bag the size of a Prius. But at least then I'll have room to carry around the Kindle that I think we all know I'm going to buy before too long.

Matricide, Anyone?

Loveys have all sort of uses, I know. Lately, Emmit's role has been to manifest all the bad habits and disconcerting personality traits we actively try to discourage in Tai. Poor kid needs an outlet, I guess. Emmit, who was once nothing but a sweet, lovable duck, is now officially a Bad Influence on Tai.

Some examples:
"Emmit like to watch movies with guns"
"Emmit likes fighting with swords"
"Emmit said he hates me"
"Emmit thinks it's funny when people die"


Part of me thinks this is a very healthy thing for Tai. He uses Emmit when he wants to talk about taboo or difficult things. "Emmit has questions about guns -- how do they work? -- what's inside them? -- how do they kill you?" I explain patiently and calmly to Emmit as best I can, trying to impart only factual knowledge and not condone violence.

Then, the other night, after a long discussion with Emmit about violence and appropriate behavior and language, I was tucking Tai into his bed and he told me, "Emmit is whispering to me right now. He's telling me to kill you."

So I locked myself in my Panic Room and alerted the authorities that my life was in danger.

OK, not really. I whispered in Tai's ear that no matter what Emmit says I know that he (Tai) is growing up to be a kind and gentle person and that I love him. He was practically asleep when I tiptoed out of the room.


I survived the night without any attacks on my life. And I'm not really worried about Tai becoming violent. I know he's just curious. What I worry about is making it worse with my parenting. When we make things like "gun play" taboo, he naturally becomes obsessed with it. But I'm not ready to go ahead and give him free reign to get it out of his system either. I can't stand the thought of my little boy running around pretending to shoot friends or family members with pretend (even invisible) guns.


I didn't major in Psych, but isn't he suposed to want to kill his dad so he can have me all to himself? Perhaps he watches too much Family Guy.

Keeping Score

For those of you playing along at home, here are Q's potty training stats:

Day 4
14 new pairs of size 4 underwear
20 jelly beans
6 accidents
She'll be 21 months on Monday

It's Never Too Early to Plan for Halloween

Tai is having trouble deciding whether to be his favorite superhero or his favorite character-from-a-movie-he-has-not-even-seen next Halloween.

His interests are eclectic. Stay tuned for updates.

Don't Read This One While Eating

This morning Quynh pooped in the toilet. Feeling the urge in the middle of breakfast she announced "poopy! poopy!" And when I asked, "Do you want to go to the potty?" She nodded and said "beeeg toy-lit." So off we went to the Big Toilet.

After making her classic Pooping Face she announced she was "all done" and lo-and-behold there was a little poop nugget in the toilet. The whole family celebrated. She got to ring the bell twice and eat her first-ever jelly bean. She was very excited to tell Tai and Daddy of her accomplishment and to show off her jelly bean. For 10 minutes she walked around the house bare-bottomed with her diaper and pants in one hand and her green jelly bean in the other. Someone needs to teacher that girl that, when licked, jelly beans do melt in your hand and ought not to be savored quite so long. After I wiped the green stickiness from her mouth and hands, got her dressed, and turned down her request for "Moh Jelly Bean?" I sent her and her brother downstairs to play.

What no one suspected was that the little poop nugget was merely foreshadowing of Greater Things To Come.

Ten minutes after being sent downstairs, Tai called up to us, "Quynh took her pants off!!" Just as I was calling back, "Oh, that's OK!" I heard Minh (looking down from the top step) ask, "And where's her diaper?" And then Tai said, "I smell something poopy."

Oh no.

Apparently our little ready-to-potty-train girl had pooped in her diaper and then took it upon herself to remove her pants, and diaper, and sit down on the carpeted floor, in three places. All hands were immediately on deck, as Tai and Minh worked to spot-clean the rug while I wiped Quynh's bum (and back, and calf, and foot) and plopped her into the bathtub. Understandably, her shirt was smeared with poop. As were, somehow, Tai's pants.

Quynh was delighted by the idea of an unexpected weekday morning bath and seemed quite amused by the whole situation. Fifteen minutes later, when it was all over, Tai announced wisely, "That was terrible."

Paper or Plastic?

The book club I joined is still going, despite losing several members and having one cancelled meeting. I'm still enjoying it and am looking forward to meeting again next week. Somehow, membership in this club (which only requires that I read a book every 6 weeks) has re-ignited my former love of reading and I'm actually reading other books in-between the official Book Club Books.

Even better, I've been getting all these books from the local public library, which is something I never did before. For some reason I had always wanted to own my very own copy of every book I read. I no longer feel that way, probably because I have (a) so many other things to spend my money on, like day care, and (b) so much less storage space after the home renovation.

So Tai and I have been enjoying the library. He quietly walks through the stacks to help me find my "grown-up book" and then he gets to pick a book, or CD, or video for himself. As long as Quynh is not with us (standing on rocking chairs, climbing on tables, banging at keyboards, and just generally wandering off) it's a pleasant outing.

So here's the thing. I want a Kindle. My friends have them, my boss has one, my mother has one, even Darryl from The Office has one. I want one!

Presumably, if I get a Kindle I'll start reading even more, just so I can use my new toy. And at $10/book, that could get pricey. So what I really want to be able to do is get free e-books from the library. And, apparently, this type of thing exists. The local network of libraries has almost 1,00o fiction titles available digitally, for e-readers. But you can't use a Kindle. It has to be another kind of e-reader if you want to use the e-library. Because Amazon.com is just that snotty about things.

So the dilemma is this -- do I get any sort of e-reader? If so, which one? How do I decide between a Kindle, a Nook, a Kobo, or all the others? I find this task overwhelming, to say the least, and I'm terrified of unknowingly purchasing the BetaMax of e-readers. And part of me really just wants the Kindle because that's the one All The Cool Kids Have. Or do I just stick with the Old Fashioned books made out of actual paper, so that Tai and I have a shared reason to venture out to the library?

Thoughts?

Ring For Service

Not long ago I was cleaning the bathroom in preparation for some house guests and realized some people might find it odd that we have a desk bell sitting on the vanity. Those of you "in the know" realize that this was a long-ago attempt to get Tai excited about potty training that had mixed results, at best.


But even though it never quite had the effect I had hoped it would, we never managed to remove the bell from the bathroom. So there it sat, largely unused. As Tai became adept at peeing on the potty he would sometimes remember to ring the bell, and sometimes not.


But now that he is FULLY potty trained, the bell has taken on a new purpose. Tai rings the bell twice after he has pooped in the toilet and it is the "I'm done! Come wipe my ass!" signal. He requires privacy for doing his business, so he needs the bell as a way to let us know he's finished in there, behind closed doors. When we hear that "ding ding!" either Minh or I make our way to the bathroom and inevitably find Tai standing up on the stool, facing the toilet, and bent over like he's about to be frisked.


So that, my friends, is why we have a bell in the bathroom.

Labor & Delivery Barbie

Ever since having the good fortune to attend the Radio City Christmas Spectacular with friends last month, Tai has been enamoured with the Rockettes. His playbill from the show is thoroughly tattered from being flipped though daily. He turns to the two-page-spread of Rockette head shots and pours over them. Many a night at bedtime he told us of his plan to dream that he, "went to the spec-tack-ee-lar show again and then had a playdate with all the Rockettes." (Side note: we figure this recurring dream either means he's really straight or really gay).

Lucky boy that he is, he was given his very own Rockettes Barbie doll for Christmas, complete with skimpy Santa-type outfit, white lace tights, and silver high heels. He named her Sarah (after one of the actual Rockettes in the playbill, of course). For the past couple weeks, Sarah has been living on Tai's headboard along with several small stuffed animals. She and Emmit seem to have become good friends.

Tonight, just before bedtime, Tai informed me that Sarah was pregnant and that the baby was coming *tonight*. "Well," I asked "does she need to get to a hospital? Or will she have the baby at home?" "Not at home," he said, "that's too messy. There would be blood everywhere."

So off to the hospital she went.

Upon arrival, Sarah met a team of several doctors ready to help her out. They included a turtle, a cat, a carousel horse, a snake, a lobster, and (of course) Emmit. Clearly, she was in good hands.

Sarah apparently breezed through Stage 1 of labor, because she was clearly ready to push. I found it extremely difficult to get Sarah into a Bradley-Method-approved birthing position, but did my best not to model flat-on-her-back delivery. So I propped her on some pillows and Tai said, "She has to open her legs" and grabbed her from me. But then he became frustrated with Barbie's in ability to spread her legs left-to-right. "She can only open her legs this way," he pointed out and he positioned one foot in front of her body and one behind. I assured him that was good enough for pretend, though in real life a woman would indeed need to spread her legs wide (and not just do a split).

About a minute later Sarah gave birth to a beautiful little fluffy yellow chick. She really is an amazing woman, as her figure seemed to bounce back instantly and she never even took her tights off. Barbie, you rock.

Four.

Four seems impossibly old.

At his annual doctor's appointment yesterday Tai aced his eye and hearing tests, as well as all the gross-motor tests. It was adorable to see him (dressed only in a johnny, socks, and cookie monster underwear) jumping and hoping and standing on one foot alongside the pediatrician. At four years old, Tai stands 38 inches tall and weighs 32 pounds. But he's so much more than that.....

He's articulate even in the worst of circumstances. While getting his upper arm swabbed in preparation for three shots, he started to cry pretty hard. As soon as the first needle went in, he said (through tears) "That hurts! I don't want any more! That's enough, don't do the others!" It was heartbreaking, but only lasted about 1 minute.

He's absorbing new information at an alarming rate. Tai received a Smart Globe for his birthday and uses it frequently. Somehow, without being given much instruction, he already knows how to adjust the volume and change modes. He can now point out Madagascar on the globe and tell you all about Giant Bird-Eating spiders and other bizarre creatures. In addition to learning about animals all over the world, his two favorite modes are Population ("Wow, that's a lot of people!") and National Anthems. When in National Anthem mode, he clicks on Mexico and tells me that when he and Emmit go to Mexico (nightly, apparently) they hear that song a lot. Then he clicks on the USA and says, "Daddy knows all the words to this song!!" proudly.

He's responsible for other living things. For some time now Tai has been feeding the pets their breakfast. Somewhere along the way we decided that once he turned four, he could feed them their dinner too, right before he goes to bed. He's pretty excited about this new chore, but one night last week he and I both forgot about it at bedtime. After I tucked him in and left the room I realized the pets were hungry, so I started to feed them. Tai heard the commotion and came running out of his room, exclaiming, "Mama. I'm four now. Remember? I feed them their dinner!" Tai has also started brushing the dog without being asked. And he does a decent job, too.

He's using technology. He has just started to play the occasional computer game, and is loving it. Although it took a bit of time to learn how to use the mouse properly, he can now navigate his way through a Blue's Clues game unassisted. At school, his teachers were having a terrible time keeping him quiet at nap (resting) time. He doesn't nap anymore and just wants to play or sing or tell loud stories. So we bought him his very own discman, headphones, and collection of audiobooks on CD. The teachers are ridiculously thankful and Tai comes home every night and tells us about the stories he listened to. We've adopted a similar technique for rest time at home on the weekends -- Tai now has his own ipod and speakers in his room.

He's learning how the world works. The other day Tai asked his teacher what the director of the children's center does in her office all day. He was told that, among other things, she holds meetings. Tai immediately decided he'd like to set up a meeting with her. So he did. Yesterday afternoon he went into her office, at a previously agreed-upon time, and met with her. They read two books, talked about staying healthy, and Tai gave his feedback on the school. When asked what he likes about the center he said, "I like that I don't have to nap and I can listen to stories instead." When asked what he would change about the center he said, "After nap story we should just play and not have to have resting time." Apparently the Director took notes.

Luckily, he's still my little boy. Although it seems that he's growing up too fast, he sometimes reminds me that he is still quite young. He writes his name backwards. He's still scared to watch Finding Nemo ("Maybe I'll watch it when I'm 5.") And he can't put his own snow boots on or operate the fly on his jeans.

Mall Santa

Friday afternoon we took the kids to the mall so Tai could pick out an ornament to buy for the tree. This seems to have become an annual tradition, if doing something twice makes it a "tradition".

Anyway, we were walking through the mall and came across a sad Mall Santa and his elf, sitting all alone with no children anywhere in sight. Obviously anxious for something to do, he vehemently waved Tai over. Naturally, Tai went into shy mode and was almost too scared to even walk past. But when Santa waved a free coloring book around, Tai was convinced to step just a little closer (leaving a good three feet between him and Santa) and reach out and grab the book.

Then, of course, Santa popped the question: "What would you like for Christmas? Popular Option A, Popular Option B, or Popular Option C?"

Are you kidding me? A multiple choice Santa? Talk about a leading interview question. Is it always this way? Having *never* sat on a Santa lap myself and having a child who has also never done it, I'm not sure if this is how it normally goes, but it sure seems lame to me. I was expecting him to mumble under his breath, "Available at Target, Aisle 17, for $29.99." I mean, really, who is paying him to lay out options for these kids?**

I indicated to Santa that we had already sent him a (purposely vague) letter and that he should look for that in the mail. But it was too late. My son had already responded with "Option A." Coincidentally, he will be receiving Option A from his grandparents. Knowing him, he'll remember this interaction and I'll have to field questions Christmas morning about how and why Santa contacted his grandparents and told them that Tai wanted Option A. Ugh.

**And don't even get me started on the fact that the options he laid out were totally gendered. Oh how I wish Tai had said, "Actually, I want more pink Hello Kitty socks." And I'm just glad Quynh is still too young for Mall Santas to ask her if she wants (a) a Barbie or (b) a Bratz Doll.

I Don't Have it in me to Construct Paragraphs

So you get a bulleted list today:

• After wrapping five of them, I now know exactly what size piece of wrapping paper is perfect for wrapping a Zhu Zhu Pet.
• I am delighted to report that my husband took my son to the ballet today. They are such Modern Men.
• Tomorrow is Minh's birthday. And we've gotten to the point in our lives where his gift consists of: (a) sleeping as late as he wants, (b) dinner from Pizza Hut, and possibly (c) a home-made card from Tai, if he's amenable to an art project tomorrow morning.
• Swim class continues to go well, despite Tai's insistence each week that I inform his teacher that he's "only going to put my feet in today" or "going to hang on to the wall the whole time". By this point in the game, the teacher just says OK and rolls her eyes because we all know he's going to get in and swim like a fishy.
• Quynh is waking from nap. I must go snuggle her till the boys get home.

Mixing Worlds

This year, because Tai's birthday party will not be held at home, we've felt free to expand the guest list quite a bit. Instead of four kids, we are expecting between seven and ten. We've invited his "usual" gang of school friends, but also some out-of-school friends, as well as two cousins and four grandparents.

This should be interesting.

Actually, I think it could be great. The guests are all people Tai loves and it might be wonderful for them to all meet each other. Or it could overwhelm him and cause a meltdown. Or he could devote all his time and attention to a couple kids and ignore the rest. When they are 4, there's just no predicting. Needless to say, I spent the last several days agonizing over the location, date, time, and guest list. And this year it was supposed to be easy--since we won't have to host it at home.

Anyway, it's officially booked and the invites are sent. Now I can take a deep breath and all I have to do is spend the next few weeks agonizing over cake, snacks, and party favors. Ugh.

In Case You Get Lost....

...ours is the house with the six-foot-tall sparkling inflatable snow globe in the middle of the front lawn.





Oh yes, our mischievous neighbor has outdone his own past hijinx with this stunt. I foolishly mentioned to this man that my kids love all the tacky decorations in the stores this time of year and then immediately saw a naughty twinkle in his eye.

Two days later Minh went to take the dog out for "last call" and found this, still in the box, in our driveway. Even though it was late, and cold, and dark, and I was tired, I immediately started hatching a plan to go set it up on his front lawn. We got as far as opening the box and reading the directions before deciding that anything with an air pump, and stakes, and tethers needs to be set up in the light of day.

So what could we do but set it up on our own lawn the next day? And, of course, the look of sheer joy on both kids' faces was priceless when it first inflated. Tai loves the way the lights shimmer at night and Quynh calls it "pop up!" and keeps asking to touch it.

Alas, I fear this item has now joined the annual decorations for our household, for years to come. If our neighbor keeps this up, we'll soon be able to start charging people to drive by and gawk at our holiday decor.

I've promised our neighbor that there will be retaliation, I just don't know what, or when.