Last night I was awakened at 12am by the sound of my fridge beeping. It beeps when you leave it open. The thing is, I know I did not leave it open when I went to bed. Clearly, someone had broken into my house, fixed themselves a snack, and forgot to close the fridge.
Coincidentally, it was my last night sans-husband. Because, usually, scaring away hungry burglars in the middle of the night is a Husband Thing. But, alas, he was not there. So I got up, grabbed the phone (you know, for calling 911) and the baseball bat that resides in the corner of the room and asked Buttons to accompany me out to the kitchen to investigate. She promptly walked into her crate and curled up in a ball. I considered the fact that she had not barked a good sign, but my irrational-sleepy-paranoid-self was still sure I had to go shut the fridge and be sure no one was out there.
So off to the kitchen I went, phone in one hand, baseball bat in the other, and no dog by my side. The kitchen was empty, but the fridge was indeed open a good 8 inches, not just ajar. I shut it and then looked all around for a burglar munching on Greek yogurt or pickles (the only things left in the fridge these days). But there was none to be found.
I glanced at the cat stretched out in the middle of the living room floor and tried to ascertain whether he looked guilty. He sometimes climbs atop the fridge and I suppose he might have knocked it open while dismounting. On my way back to bed I went over the physics of this in my head to determine if it might be possible. Presumably, when jumping off the fridge, a cats paws would push against the fridge, actually closing the door, no?
I climbed back into bed, baseball bat still in hand and lie there awake for the better part of an hour, listening to every sound in the house. I figured the burglar was hiding down in the basement, waiting for me to fall asleep before returning to the kitchen to finish snacking. Apparently they out-waited me because I woke hours later, baseball bat still in the bed where my husband should have been.
I will be very happy to have my hubby back home tonight.
1 comment:
Theory: Door was not COMPLETELY closed (does it beep even if it's just not quite sealed?); either cat, small earthquake, or resident ghost pushed it open more.
My weapon of choice for snacking burglars is a golf club. Even knowing that I'd take one swing and they'd grab hold of it and laugh at me, though hopefully then choking on whatever it was they were eating.
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