Saturday night, around 3:30am, I stepped in a pile of cat vomit. Barefoot, of course. Squish.

Just wanted everyone to know that.

Tai-Pod

Our ipod (Poddles) was only about 3 years old when she died, tragically, last weekend. But in "ipod years" that is ancient, since they now come with color screens and play videos and all sorts of fancy shit. Still, our monochrome 20GB Poddles served us well until the day she died.

It was an accidental death, of course. At least that's what I'm told. I'm told this by the man who was hoping she would die (so he could get a fancy new one). The story I was given was that he accidentally left her sitting on the mailbox after doing yard work all day. And then he accidentally turned on the sprinklers. And then he accidentally forgot about poor Poddles for 10 solid minutes, by which time she was soaked.

Ipods and water don't mix.

Having owned Poddles for a few years, we've become dependent on her. So of course we needed to run right out and get a replacement. Poor Tai was lost without her. Bedtime just isn't the same without Transitions.

So yesterday, after 5 long days of mourning, Minh came home with our new little bundle of joy, Tai-Pod. He's slimmer than Poddles was and he has a color screen that can play videos. He holds 30GB. And he's black. We love him already.

What Stumps?

Last weekend, Minh took the next step in his continuing "war on trees." He and a neighbor of ours spent the whole day grinding tree stumps down to hide all evidence of the mass tree murder that took place last fall. Minh claims it has something to do with making the yard more usable and being able to plant flowers.

But really it was just an excuse to rent and use yet another giant tool -- The Stump Grinder. This tool is essentially a spinning disk with giant teeth that whittles the tree stumps down to nothing. Here it is in action.

It sounds easier than it was, though. I think it took them a good 30 minutes of serious manual labor to get each stump below ground level. And I think they did about 15 or 20 stumps between the two yards. It was a long day. Despite being alot of hard work that left the guys sore for days, this process actually seemed to work quite well.

Now you see a tree stump.....................















............................Now you don't!

Who Sleeps Like This???

The Flip Side

And now for the top 10 reasons I know that Minh and I are, deep down, still the same people we always were.

10. We still own, and use, plates stolen from college dining halls. They happen to be the perfect size for a Mama Celeste Pizza For One.

9. We still eat Mama Celeste Pizza For One.

8. We have private jokes dating back 10-15 years. Some are so old that we can't even remember how they started. Having such a rich shared history happens to make us unbeatable at Taboo. Anyone reading this is welcome to consider that a challenge. Bring it on.

7. We still enjoy a good joint-nap. Only now, sometimes there are three of us snoozing in the bed.

6. Minh still procrastinates -- he does his best work in the 24 hours immediately preceding a major deadline.

5. I still follow Minh around the house and shut off the lights he leaves on....sometimes while he's still in the room, using the light.

4. We still "jinx" each other. Often. This is a byproduct of being able to finish each other's sentences.

3. We still cook dinner together, usually.

2. I'm still a morning person and Minh still takes a solid hour to "warm up" each day.

1. We still play Maui. If you don't know what that is, come over sometime and we'll kick your butt....er, I mean teach you to play.

Identity Crisis

Most of it is because we now have a baby, but some of it might just be that we are getting older. Either way, sometimes it seems like we're not the same people anymore.

Top 10 Reasons I No Longer Know Who We Are....

10. We employ a dog walker.

9. We now spend money as if we were wildy rich. For example, I think nothing of buying Tai a $13 Lamaze toy, just because all the other kids at baby group have something similar. And we're not just spending ridiculous amounts of money on Tai either (see #8).

8. We recently purchased a $100 kitchen trash can. Yes, that's right....$100 on a trash can. In our defense, it's a really cool trash can.

7. I am one of those people who has to have their cell phone on them at all times. While I'm at work, it sits out on my desk. If I have to go into the conference room for a meeting, it comes with me. I used to mock these people. Now I am one of them.

6. Our dog walker is distraught about her upcoming 20th birthday, because she doesn't want to be "old." If 20 is old, what does that make us? I try to picture what we look like to her... an old married couple with a house, three pets, and a baby. We probably look like we have our shit together. But really, inside we are still just teenagers who have no idea what we are doing and are making it up as we go along.

5. Our living room tables are littered with gardening catalogs and baby magazines.

4. When Minh and I use the words "baba ganoush" and "mulligatawny" out in public, we're not ordering food. We're talking to Tai about the two stuffed animals that hang from his car seat handle. Those are their names. We named them.

3. Minh has started drinking wine. Gone are the days when he would ONLY drink Sam Adams, due to his discerning taste for beer. And gone are the days when he would ONLY drink PBR, due to his concern for our household budget. Now each night, as we prepare dinner, he goes to the wine rack and selects a bottle to go with the meal. Who is this man?

2. We cook dinner in a crock pot.

1. Locking myself in a little room with the industrial-sized printer and milking my breasts provides a nice little break from work a couple times a day. Even better, I have to coordinate these "breaks" with another co-worker who uses the room for the same purpose. And I used to think it was inappropriate to discuss such body parts in the workplace....

And So It Ends...

I highly recommend taking a twelve week vacation from work, if you can. Even if you have to give birth to a baby to do it, it's worth it. I have, over the past three months, completely forgotten about work and it has been wonderful. I can't even remember what number to dial to check my work voice mail. I just hope my brain still works when I flip the switch from "mommy" to "employee" on Wednesday morning.

Some things we've done over the past few weeks, as my leave draws to an end.....

(1) Minh and Tai and I went to our first "Pampered Chef" party. For those of you who don't know, it's like a high-end tupperware party. It was "hosted" in the home of one of our childbirth class friends, so babies were welcome. Here's how it worked: some woman cooked a meal in front of us, all the while raving about each "Pampered Chef" bowl, knife, chopper, platter, etc that she used. Those of us with babies were mostly in the next room, not really paying attention. But we had no problem eating the food she cooked. Then, guilt set in, and we felt obligated to order something from the Pampered Chef catalog. Minh and I will soon be the proud owners a $9 pizza cutter and a $16 pair of kitchen shears (plus tax and shipping!)


(2) Tai has started daycare. Last week he did an hour one day and three hours the next day. It wasn't so much that he needed to practice being away from us, but that Minh and I needed to slowly get used to this new arrangement. I also needed to practice getting up at the crack of dawn to walk the dog and get myself showered and ready to go out the door by 7:15 -- no small feat. Today Tai went to daycare for six whole hours, which means I got to go to the mall and buy some new clothes for work (ahhh...pants that actually fit, that feels nice!)

(3) We've hired a dog-walker. She came by and "auditioned" tonight. She and Buttons hit it off right away. After about a half hour of chatting with her, we all went around the block together, so she could "test drive" Buttons. It went well. Even when Gus, the 100lb black lab with far more energy than any creature should have, came bounding down his driveway to slobber all over Buttons and jump on our dog-walker, she remained calm and handled the situation as well as anyone could expect. We hired her on the spot.

So, back to work I go. On a part-time basis, anyway. I'll try not to worry about Tai while he's at daycare. It's hard not to, though, when I think about that fact that we are paying someone $8/hr to walk the dog, but only paying $4.50/hr for daycare for our son. Somehow that doesn't seem quite right. But, my transition back into the world of work will undoubtedly be made easier by the knowledge that I have high-end kitchen utensils waiting for me at home.

Who Loves Banks??

Minh and I, until recently, had both a mortgage and a home equity loan. A few months ago, we paid off the home equity loan. Naively, we both assumed that paying off the balance would make that second loan go away. Not so.

Minh noticed last night that our mortgage bill has a $75 annual fee associated with our home equity loan. Upon calling the bank, he learned that this is a fee for holding the home equity line of credit open. Apparently, we were supposed to somehow "close" that loan, in addition to just paying it off.

So, the nice person Minh spoke to explained that we can avoid paying the $75 annual fee if we go ahead and close that line of credit. Apparently, we do this by writing a memo to the bank stating our desire to close the account ... and sending them $75 to do so!

Yes, that's right. We have to pay them $75 to get them to not charge us $75. Seriously. This is not a joke.

Convincing Myself...

...That it's perfectly fine to hire a dog-walker for Buttons has been difficult.

Minh brought up the idea while I was still pregnant and I pretty much dismissed it. I think most of you know that I really enjoy walking Buttons, most of the time. In fact, part of the reason I wanted a dog was to have an ever-present reason to walk every day.

Well, Minh brought it up again last week as we discussed my imminent return to work and I pretty much dismissed it again. Until I really started thinking concretely about what my days would look like (get up at 5:30, feed Tai, walk the dog, shower and get ready, drop off Tai at day care, work an 8-hour day, pick up Tai at day care....and that's all before dinnertime). So, I've conceded that having someone walk Buttons three afternoons a week is actually a great idea for everyone involved.

Luckily, there are about 2,000 potential dog-walkers right across the street. So we've made our need known and already have two interested applicants. Hopefully, by April 1st we'll be exploiting--wait, I mean employing a reliable, responsible dog-lover to get The Butts some exercise on the three days a week that Tai goes to daycare and I go to work.

It is still hard, however, to come to terms with being "that kind of people" who actually hire someone else to walk their dog. As someone who takes pride in doing things for myself, I worry that this is a slippery slope and before long we'll have a maid, and a cook, and a nanny, and a gardener.......oh, wait! What am I saying? I'm being ridiculous. Minh would NEVER stand for hiring a gardener.

I'm Not So Hard-Core After All

I've always been a real wimp when it comes to the dentist. First off, you need to know that every year they find new cavities to fill. I must have at least 15 fillings by now. I think even some of my fillings have fillings. This is, much to my dismay, despite the fact that I brush my teeth 2 or 3 times a day and floss every night before bed. Minh, on the other hand, brushes far less often and doesn't even know what floss is....and his teeth are cavity-free. (Let's hope Tai inherits Minh's teeth.)

Anyway, I've always needed TWO shots of Novocaine for each filling. Normally, they shoot me up, wait five minutes and start to drill. Then when I cringe and tell them I can still feel pain, they give me another shot. A few times I just told them up front I was going to need more than the average person and they gave me the double dose right away.

Now, since I have recently pushed a human child out my vagina without any pain medication, I figured this dentist thing wouldn't be so bad anymore. Yesterday on my way to get a cavity filled, I told myself it would be a piece of cake. Now, I certainly was not about to go through this process drug free (I'm not that crazy!) But I figured I would surely be able to just have the normal dose of Novocaine. Not so.

As usual, they shot me up, waited five minutes and started to drill. I could feel it, a little. But I reminded myself of how much birthing a child hurt, to keep things in perspective. The dentist stopped and asked if I was doing OK and I bravely said I was. So she started to drill again -- deeper. I couldn't take it. I couldn't "relax through the pain." So I ordered up another shot of the good stuff before we continued. That did the trick.

Of course, the entire side of my face was then numb for about 6 hours afterwards, making eating and drinking a tad difficult. I went home after the dentist and ate a candy bar (like you do) while nursing Tai. Apparently, some chocolate escaped the numb side of my mouth without my noticing. When I looked down at the boy, he had chocolate on the shoulder of his outfit and smushed behind his ear. I guess that's the price he had to pay for my pain-free dental work.

My Handsome Boy

For anyone interested in keeping up with the latest photos of Tai, we've posted some albums at this site. http://picasaweb.google.com/kathyfoley77. This way, I won't be tempted to clog up the blog with pictures of him all the time.

If you have a gmail account you won't need to sign in, but apparently if you do not have gmail you have to sign up to view the photos. We know...that totally sucks. We can't seem to find a photo sharing site where you don't have to create an account and sign in.

Multi-Tasking

This morning Tai and I went for a walk with two other mommies and babies at a local park. The other two babies were in their big, cumbersome "travel system" strollers and I had Tai in his fleece sling.

Of course, halfway through the walk, Tai woke up hungry and started fussing in the sling. What to do? We were a good 10-15 minutes from the car, and it was a little chilly to stop and eat on a park bench.....so I fed him in the sling!

Yup, I just lifted up my shirt, unhooked my bra, and he popped on. And the other mommies and I kept right on walking and talking and Tai was able to eat "on the go".

I rock. :)

Squeaky Clean Fairy Tales

Someone recently gave us a book of classic fairy tales. I try to read to Tai every day, so the other day we cracked open this new book and read "Little Red Riding Hood". Now, I understand that there are many versions of each fairy tale, with slight variations among them. But this version of one of the most famous fairy tales was so completely wrong, that it pissed me off.

Who remembers the ending to this story? Minh and I both recall that a local woodsman saved the day by cutting open the big bad wolf and extracting Little Red Riding Hood's (miraculously still alive) grandmother from the wolf's belly. Is everyone with me, here? Is that how you all heard it too?

Well, this new version we have involves a "neighbor" man who opens the closet in the grandmother's house and finds her trapped in there (and she wasn't even bound and gagged!) And then--get this-- the wolf just "runs away" never to be seen again and then Little RRH, her grandmother, and the neighbor all sit down for some tea.

Hello? That's so not the way the story goes. And it's illogical too. If the wolf was so hungry....why wouldn't he eat the grandmother? Why would he stash her in the closet and wait for Little RRH? I don't think wolves are that discerning....he surely would have eaten anyone he encountered.

Time For Some More Pictures

OK, here are some more recent shots of the boy.

This first one is of a truly rare moment....Tai actually sleeping in his own crib (and not in our bed, or in the sling, or in the car seat, or on Minh's lap...etc).

And this next one is of Nibbles teaching Tai the ancient art of "sunbeaming" on the ottoman in our living room. Tai should truly be honored, as the secrets of sunbeaming are generally passed only from cat to kitten. He must be an honorary feline.

Bath time in the little baby basin was cold, stressful, and generally unpleasant. So we've already switched to the big bathtub. Here Tai is enjoying a dip in the tub with his daddy. The two of them emerge fresh and clean and smelling of apricot oil.

And what better way to end bath time that wrapped up in a towel explicitly intended to make you look like a frog? Clearly, this towel was designed with just such a photo in mind. And if you ask Minh why he bought Tai a pink pacifier he'll ramble on about breaking gender stereotypes. But really, Target was just out of the other colors.

Better Than a Fake ID

Even though I am 30, I almost always still get carded when purchasing alcohol, especially at this one liquor store near UMass. When I was pregnant, I sometimes would and sometimes would not have to show ID. Even when they did not ask for it, I could tell the cashier was usually sizing me up, deciding whether to card me.

Not today. There wasn't even a thought in that cashier's mind about carding me. I'm thinking this was due to the 6-week-old baby in my cart. Now, of course you can have a baby before you are 21. But somehow it seems unlikely that underage mothers would be out buying bottles of shiraz.

Anyway, I'm thinking this could be how Tai earns his keep around here. I can rent him out to underage folks who want a "free pass" at the liquor store. Just bring him with you and act like you're his responsible, over 21, parent and no one will question you. The ad practically writes itself! Any takers?

The 30 Second Massage

My Pioneer-Valley-Hippy husband recently got wind of a free infant massage class and suggested that Tai and I go check it out. Yes, that's right. Infant massage. It's a class where you learn how to massage your baby. Personally, I'd rather spend my time receiving a massage, but I decided to give this class a try anyway.

Feeling like I already know my son pretty well, I was sure ahead of time that he was not going to be down with this class. I expressed my feelings to Minh who assured me that in a class of babies I should not be embarrassed if he fusses or cries, as all babies do from time to time. I took comfort in that and went to the class.

As we walked in the door, Tai decided he wanted to eat. Not a problem, I fed him while we settled in and did introductions around the room. Then it was time to get to the massaging. We laid our babies on their backs, on pillows, and undressed them from the waist down. We were then instructed to rub some of this special oil into our hands, hold our oily hands up in front of our babies faces and ask their permission to massage them. Yuh, we had to literally ask them....out loud. It went something like this:

Kathy: "May I massage you?"
Tai: "Eeeeeeeeeh. eh. eh. eh. eh." (translation: "I don't think so.")
Kathy: "OK, here we go."

I started to rub his left leg, as instructed, while he verbally protested. Even the instructor pointed out the problem by saying "Tai's not so sure about this, huh?" The "eh. eh. eh." turned to full on crying before long. After about 30 seconds of massage, I gave up and picked him up into my arms to comfort him. The rest of the class continued to massage. Then they moved on to the other leg. Then they moved on to the butt. And then the belly. And then the chest. All while I rocked, fed, and burped Tai. And then rocked him some more.

Twice I tried putting him back on the pillow for massage and twice he balked. At one point I was hoping no one was watching as I tried to shove a pacifier down his throat so I could rub his chest. I had no luck. I realized how ridiculous I was being.....trying to force him to relax so I could give him a massage is not very relaxing at all.

About 10 minutes before class ended he took a huge dump. I changed him and he screamed the whole time I was doing it. Then, with a fresh diaper on and class due to end in one minute, he fell asleep in my arms.

Exhausted, embarrassed, and overwhelmed, I tried to get out of there as quickly as possible. As we were packing up, folks came over and encouraged us to come back the next day (it's a 3-day class). I smiled and assured them we'd be back (yeah, right!)

Pulling out of the parking lot, I realized I had packed up so quickly that my bra was still unhooked from Tai's last feeding. So, go ahead and add "putting your boob away with one hand, while driving with the other" to my list of newly acquired mommy skills. Unfortunately, infant massage will NOT be on that list.

Pants

I've just recently started wearing non-maternity pants again. On the one hand it feels good to be in regular-person-jeans again. But on the other hand, it's such a hassle to have to deal with a fly to get them on and off! Why aren't all pants elastic waist-banded?

Now, I'm still not wearing my pre-pregnancy "skinny jeans." Rather, I'm wearing the "transition jeans" that I bought one size up just after I started to show and before maternity pants were completely necessary. I can actually squeeze into, and even zip up, my skinny jeans. But they are so low-cut and so tight that a nice big roll of pregnancy belly-skin hangs over the top of them. It's oh-so attractive. I look like one of those people on What Not to Wear who is so proud that they still fit into their jeans from high school, but for whom high school was 20 years (and 30lbs) ago.

I may never wear the skinny jeans again. By the time I can really fit into them I'm sure they'll be out of style. And that's OK...it's just a reason to go shopping for some new ones. :)

Baby's First Statutory Rape Scene

Tai and I went to the movies this morning. A local theater has a $5.00 "mommy and me" movie once a month so that folks like me can get out and see a movie and bring our babies along. It's no big deal if your baby cries during the movie....everyone there understands.

Today they were showing Notes on a Scandal, in which Cate Blanchette's character has sex with one of her 15-year-old students and Judy Dench's character mistakenly believes that she and Cate Blanchette have a romantic future together.

All in all, an excellent movie for babies ;)

Hostage Linens

The house is falling apart. And I don't just mean that it hasn't been vacuumed or dusted in weeks. I mean that major things are breaking.

The thermostat was malfunctioning for a while, causing the house to heat up to 78 degrees a couple times. So Minh replaced it with a digital programmable one. Then, the furnace itself started randomly turning itself off, generally in the middle of the night. We'd set the heat at 66 and go to bed, only to wake up and find that it was a mere 59 degrees in the house! Luckily, Minh seems to have fixed that too.

Then one of us broke the remote control for the TV and cable box. I won't name names, but it wasn't Minh or Tai.

Next we noticed that the linen closet door knob was loose. When you turn it, it spins and spins, round and round, but doesn't actually latch or unlatch the door. Luckily, we leave this door open most of the time (or else Nibbles gets pissed....long story). Anyway, once we noticed the broken door knob we made a pact to never close that door again.

So, of course, today I accidentally closed it without thinking. Then I got ambitious and decided to do laundry. So I stripped the sheets off the bed and threw them on the (cat-and-dog-hair-covered) floor. The same with the towels in the bathroom. I did not realize the error of my ways until I attempted to get fresh sheets and towels out of the linen closet. That door knob simply spun and spun, mocking my stupidity. I tried some MacGyver moves and attempted to force the little latch to open, first with scissors and a then with a ruler. But MacGyver I am not.

So here I am, no sheets on the bed and no towels in the bathroom. All my fresh linens are being held hostage by that evil door knob. Looks like I simply have to finish the laundry today if we're going to have anything to sleep on tonight.

A New Era

In our house, things now fall into two categories of time...Before Tai (BT) and After Tai (AT). This has become a very useful way of thinking of things. For example:

"Should we have omelets for dinner?"
"I'm not so sure....those eggs in the fridge are old."
"How old?"
"They're BT"

* * * * OR* * * * *

"I was emailing so-n-so about such-n-such a while back..."
"A while back? How long ago?"
"About one week AT"

This new scheme is particularly useful for me, as I was always prone to referring to everything as "last week" even if it was really 6 weeks ago. Now when I say something was last week, Minh can raise one eyebrow and say "That wasn't last week, that was BT."